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Ruling Party Zindabad
A poor man catches a fish, His wife cant cook due to No gas, No spices, No oil, Man put the fish back in river.
Fish comes up and shouts, RULING PARTY ZINDABAD....!!!
========================
2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls
2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls
Both Girls Took Rakhi & Tied To Their Hands.
1st Guy To Second Guy- What Will We Do Now?
2nd Guy-U Marry My Sis, I Will Marry Ur Sis
========================
Pani Me 1 Sikka Daala
Mene Pani Me 1 Sikka Daala Or Bhagwan Se 1 Pyara sa Dost Manga,
Muje Aap Mil Gaye.
Aasman se Awaz Ayi: 1 Rupaye Me Aisa Hi Milta Hai.
========================
Teacher Aur Pappu !!
Teacher: If u tell me where is God,
I`ll reward u wid 100 rupees.
Pappu: And if u tell me where God is not there,
I`ll reward u wid 200 rupees
========================
Premi to Premika !!
Premi to premika-
"Darling mujhe tumhari aankhon me saari duniya dikhai deti hai.."
Peeche se ek budhha bola-
"Hamari gaiyya nahi mil rahi.. Dikhe to batai.." ;-)
========================
What is a fine?
Banta: What is a fine?
Santa: Fine is a tax for doing wrong.
Banta: And what is tax?
Santa: A tax is a fine for doing right.
========================
I am old enough to drive
Son: Dad give me the car keys please.
I am old enough to drive.
Father: Yes,
but the car is not old enough to be given.
========================
While creating wives...!
While creating wives, God promised men that good &
ideal wives will be found in all corners of the world
and then he made the earth round!
========================
What is the fastest thing in world?
Oxford:Light
Harvard:Thought
Texas:Blink of an eye
Santa:It’s loose motions,
because last night I was lying in my bed
& before I could blink,think or turn on the lights,
it was over!
========================
I wish I was your book so that...
WIFE:I wish i was ur book so that
i could be in front of ur eyes constantly.
HUSBAND: I wish u were a calendar
which i could replace every year!!!
========================
Adam to his Eve...!
adam: Hi darling!
Eve: Bolo.
Adam: Do you love me?
Eve: No, never.
Adam: Why?
Eve: abbe ! mere paas option kahan hai???
( There is no other option!!!)
========================
Not worked for a day from the last five years
Child1: My father has not worked for a day from the last five years.
Child2: Why?
Child1: Because he is a night watchman.
========================
Kahan Se Bol Rahe Ho?
Santa: Kahan se bol rahe ho?
Banta: Mobile se.
Santa: Main puchh raha hun konsi jaga se bol rahe ho.
Banta: Muhn se bol raha hun.
========================
Tumhaare Income Ka Source Kya Hai...?
Banta to Santa:
Tumhaare income ka source kya hai
Santa:
Maine apne upper ka portion kisi ko rahane kiraye par diya hai
Banta:
kamaal hai wo pure din tumaher upper kaise rahata hai
========================
Two snakes meet each other..
Two snakes meet each other..
First snake:I hope I am not poisonous.
Second snake:Why?
First snake:Because I bit my lip!
========================
Santa goes for railway reservation
Santa goes for railway reservation
Santa: Mera AC chair car ka reservation kar dena
Railwayman: Seat nahi hai
Santa: Aap reservation kare seat ki chinta na kare,
ek kursi me ghar se le lunga.
========================
Santa Aur Preeto
Preeto: me bahar ja rahi hun aapke liyer coocker me
khichari set kar di hai, 2 2 siti laga kar kha lena.
Santa: Muhn se 2 siti laga kar coocker
kholta hai aur bolta hai lagata aaj usne mujhe oollu bana diya
========================
Aapke Judwa Bachche Hue Hain
NURSE- AAPKE JUDWA BACHCHE HUE HAIN.
SANTA- YE TO HONA HI THA.
PROGRAMME HI AISE HI DEKHTI THI-KBC2,
INDIAL IDOL2.DHOOM2.
NURSE-ACHCHHA HUA K DELHI6 NAHI DEKHI.
========================
Police vs Sharabi
GADHE k samne 1 PANI ki, 1 DARU ki BALTI rakhi.
GADHA PANI P gaya.
POLICE ne SHARABI se puchha:tune isse kya seekha?
SHARABI: jo DARU nahi pita Wo GADHA hai
========================
American Ne India Ka Masaledaar Dinner Lekr Bole...
American ne India ka masaledaar dinner liya,
Agli subah toilet se nikalte hi bola,
Ab samjha Indians Q paani se dhote Hai,
Tissue paper to aag pakad lega....
========================
Mai Tumhare Liye Sab Chhod Dunga
Boy:Mai tumhare liye sab chhod dunga
Girl:Maa,Papa? Boy:Haan
Girl:Apne Dost?
Boy:Haan
Girl: daru?
Boy: Didi ghar jao,
Aapke papa parishan ho rahe honge.;-)
========================
Power House Company Ki Job Hai
Power house company ki job hai
salary Rs 45,000 /-
karni hai to reply karein.?
jayada mehant ka kam nahi
Bus
bijali ke Nange taro par gila kapda marna he..
========================
During School checking !!
1 officer School checking k time Dekhta hai ki 1 Teachr
ladki ko kiSS kar raha hai.
Officer:What iS thiS?
Teac:"Maar Se nahi pyar Se Samjha raha hu.
========================
Full form of wife
Do U know full form of wife =
" Worries in life Forever"
========================
Tumhe Mere Rishtedaar Pasand Nahi !
Biwi, husband se- Tumhe mere rishtedaar pasand nahi!
Husband: Kya baat kar rahe ho!
Mujhe apni saas se achhi tumhaari saas lagti hai!
========================
Mourn of a Professor
Mourn of a professor:
I don mind wen studnts luk
at their watch during lectures.
Bt I get angry wen they remove
their watch & shake it to c if its working..
========================
Machhar Apne Pote Se
Machhar apne pote se-
beta hmare jmane me khoon choosna itna aasan nhi hota tha.
Pota-Q
Dada-
Kyonki us jmane me ldkiya pure kapde jo pahankar soti thi.
========================
Santa Ki Maa Ki Tabiyat Kharab Thi
Santa ki Maa Ki tabiyat kharab thi,
Hospital gaye to Doctor ne kaha ki "Test" Hongi.
Santa: Inki umar zyada hai test nahi One-Day ya T-20 karwa lo
========================
Did you ever visited Egypt
CHILD :DAD DID YOU EVER VISITED EGYPT
DAD: NO
CHILD: THEN FROM WHERE DID YOU BRING "MUUUMMMI"
========================
Chemistry Joke
Chemical joke
All electrons were in a party protons attacked them.
A Hero saves them.
Electrons asked them who are you?
Hero said
My name is
Bond
COVALENT BOND
========================
Girlfriend vs Boyfriend
Girl- Ye ratein Ye hawaein Ye chandni
Ye ghataye Ye nadiya Ye kinare
Boyfnd- Abe Tu pyar kr rahi he ya
mausam ki jankari de rahi Hai.
========================
Physics ka bhi Baap..
Physics ka bhi baap:..
Question:- Which liquid turns 2 solid on heating..???.....
Ans:- BESAN KE PAKODE.
========================
Drinking and Driving
Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde.
Banta: Y?
Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau.
========================
Ladki Apni Maa Se...
Ladki_ maa...
ye padosi ka ladka mujhe baar baar kiss kar k
bhag jata hai maa muskura ke boli_bada shararti hai...
bilkul apne baap par gaya hai
========================
Banta Aur Jyoitishi !!
Jyoitishi: Tere upper shani ki dash hai 1100/ do,
dasha hata dunga
Banta: Mere pass nahi hai
Jyotishi: To 101/ de do
Banta: Nahi hai
Jyotishi: 11/ de do
Banta: Abhi to nahi hai
Jyotishi: phir chinta mat karo
Rahu Ketu Shani tino milkar bhi tumhara kya bigaar lenge
========================
Santa Ki Gf Romantic Mood Mai...
Santa Ki Gf Romantic Mood mai
thi usne santa se kaha mere gahr koi nahi hai aa jaao
Santa-tu mere ghar aajamere ghar sab log hain.
Tera man lag jaayega.
========================
Why is a bachelor skinny and a married man fat?
Why is a bachelor skinny
and a married man fat?
-The Bachelor comes
home, takes one look at
what's in the refrigerator,
and goes to bed.
-The Married man
comes home,takes one
look at what's in the bed
and goes to refrigerator!
========================
Santa Aur Banta !!
Banta: chal bahar chalte hai, taazi hawa kha kar aate hai
Santa: Tu chal me Chammaj Plate lekar aaya
========================
Santa joins as Accountant
Santa joins as accountant
Wo Pen ke sath scissors bhi le jata hai
pucha kyon
Santa: Mujhe Cheque bhi to Katane hai
========================
Thinkin of my Coffin
In Jokes SMS
Cardiologist died n was buried in Heart Shape Coffin..
A Dr. standin nearby laughd,
wen askd y he laughd?
He said"Thinkin of my Coffin.
I'm a Gynaecologist.!!!:
========================
Boss to Employee
boss 2 employee tumne iss sal mehnat se kam kiya h
y lo 5000 rs ka cheque,
agar isi tarah kam karte rahoge to sign b kar dunga
========================
Lady to the Waitress
Lady: (to the waitress)
May I have a bag to carry leftovers to my dog?
========================
How did you write your exam?
Parent:How did you write your exam?
Son:they have given the questions which I don't know.
So I wrote answers which they don't know..!!
========================
Mere To Hips Bol Rahen Hai
Banta: Ek Uncle Chips ka pura packet kha leta hai
Khane ke baad sochata hai
Ad me to Bol rahe the ki lips bolenge lekin
Mere to Hips bol rahen hai
Mahila Cricket Player Ka Naam Batao
Banta: Tum Cricket dekhate ho
Santa: Han
Banta: Kisi Mahila Cricket Player ka naam batao
Santa: Simple, Mahila Jayewardane
========================
I opened a jewellers shop
Santa: Last year, I opened a jeweller`s shop.
Banta: And then what happened?
Santa: I was caught red-handed by the jeweller.
========================
Santa's Army Test !!
Pappu- 3+5?
Santa- 8
Pappu- 7+3?
Santa- 10
Pappu- 8+8?
Santa- Pata nahi sir
Mere pass sirf 10 hi ungli Hai.
========================
Andha Aadmi !!
Andha Aadmi-bhabhi ye lo laddu
Bhabhi naha rahi thi soch ki andha hai
bina kapdo ke bahar aa ke boli- ye kis liye,
Andha- Meri aankhe thik ho gai..
========================
Shaadi K Baad Pati K Phone Me Bibi Ka Naam
Shaadi k turant baad pati k phone me Bibi ka naam:
My Life
mahine baad: My Wife
saal baad: Home
10 saal baad: Hitler
15 saal baad: WRONG NUMBER
========================
Hinjaro ka Raja
Santa: Kal maine Hinjaro ke Raja ko dekha tha
Banta: Kahan, kya naam hai
Santa:Yuvraj Singh,
Sab usko angreji me bol rahe the, SIXER KING
========================
Dost Pathan Se...
Dost Pathan se:
APRIL FOOL manaya?
Pathan: Han
Dost:kis k saath?
Pathan:Bv k 7!
hum ne 3 bar talaq dia
jab wo rone laga to Hum bola
APRIL FOOL,
APRIL FOOL..!
========================
Pretto Ne Bola Tha...
Santa: Biscuit ka packet kharid kar do barabar- barabar tor raha tha
puchha kyon
Santa: Pretto ne bola tha 50- 50 Biscuit lane hai
========================
Changu Aur Mangu !!
changu- yaar mangu bahut der se neend nahi aa rahi hai.
mangu- koi baat nahi tu uska wait mat kar aur so ja.
========================
Santa Aur Jyotish
Santa: Mere panv me khujali aa rahi hai
Jyotishi: videsh yatra ka yog h
S: Hath me
J: Paise aane ka yog h
S: Pet me
J: Swadisht bhojan ka yog h
S: Mathe pe
J: Abe khujale doctor ke pass ja mere pass kyon aaya h
========================
Child donkey vs Mother donkey
child donkey: mummy mai kis ke saath khelu,
sabhi donkey kam me vyast hai.
Mother donkey: thodi der ruk beta uncle abhi
sms padh kar free ho jayenge
========================
Santa Ek Mobile Bechane Wale Se Larai Kar Raha Tha..
Santa ek mobile bechane wale se larai kar raha tha
Logon ne puchha kya huva
Santa: Mene mobile kharida to bola tha mobile me lock bhi h,
Ab ye tala, chhabi kuch nahi de raha
========================
America- Mobile Hamari Khoj Hai
America-Mobile Hamari Khoj Hai.
China-Sim Card Hamari Khoj Hai.
Japan-Sms Hamari Khoj Hai.
Koriya-Blootuth Hamari Khoj Hai.
INDIA-MISS CALL HAMARI KHOJ Hai..
========================
Meri Bakri Ne Anda Diya H
GOLU to MOLU-Meri bakri ne anda diya H
GOLU-Bakri kaise anda de sakti he
M-Abe gadhe Maine APNI murgi ka nam bakri rakha h
========================
1947 Ki Jang...!
Santa:Mere dada ne 1947 ki jang me
dushman ki taange kat di thi
Banta:Gardne Q nahi kati
Santa:Wo pehle se hi kati padi thi.
========================
Na Tere Aane ki khushi Na tere jane ka Gum
GF-Mai Kisi Or Se shadi kar rahi hu Muje Bhul Jao
BF-Na Tere Aane ki khushi Na tere jane ka Gum
Ja Behan Ja Aj Se Tera Kissa Bhi Khatm -
========================
Bhikari Ki Lotry
1bhikari ki lotry lagi to vo 1mandir banvata h
2nd bhikari:yar tu mandir Q bnva rha h?
1st Bhikhari:Qki iske samne me akela bhik manguga
========================
Santa Ek Laraki Se Takraya
Santa Bus me ja raha tha ek laraki se takragaya
Larki boli: Thappar khana hai
Santa: MEra to pet bhara hua hai,
Aap kisi aur se puchh le
========================
Ek Adami Santa Se Ek Kg Laddu Lene Aata Hai
Ek adami santa se 1 Kg laddu lene aata hai
Adami: Isme to chinti hai
Santa: Aap naaraj na ho,
aapko laddo pure 1 Kg dunga,
chinti jitana weight extra de dunga
========================
Jail Ko Hindi Me Hawalaat kyun Kehte Hain?
Circuit: ßhai Jail Ko Hindi Me Hawalaat kyun Kehte Hain,?
Bhai: Kyunki Jail Mein Khane
Ko Sirf Hawa Aur Laat Hi Milti Hai."
========================
Fruit khaya karo chhilke sahit..
Doctor: Kamjori hai fruit khaya karo chhilke sahit
After one hour
Santa: Mera pet dard ho raha hai
Doctor: kya khaya tha
Santa: Nariyal chhilka sahi
========================
Santa Aur Halwai...!
Santa: 1 Kg Pakora dena
Halwai ne jaise hi tel me garm karke nikala
Santa: Abe kanjoos, Pani me dho ke de raha hai,
kuch surf saboon to dal deta
========================
Aaj Ghar Bhai Anay Wala Hay
Bacha: Miss hamary ghar aaj bhai anay wala hay.
Miss: wo kasay?
Bacha:jab phichli bar ammi hospital main
admit theen tu behan aae thi
Ab abu admit hain…
========================
May I take your order, sir?
Waiter: "May I take your order, sir?"
Diner: "Yes...I was wondering: How do you prepare your chickens?"
Waiter: "Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
========================
Want to Share Everything
I want to share everything with you ,
your sadness, your hapiness, Every single second of day.
Lets start with your Bank Account.
========================
Aqalmand Ke Liye Ishara Kafi Hota Hai...
santa fouj me bharti hua....
2 Din bad jung shru ho gaiii...
santa ki topi per goli lagi....
santa ne hathyaar phenk diye
aur chup kar bola ..
" Aqalmand ke liye ishara kafi hota hai...
========================
Doctor vs Pathan
Doctor: tumhari sehat bohat kharab hai,
cigrrete-noshi chor do.
.
.
Pathan: ye nahi ho sakta kyon k cigarrete to chor donga.
Magar noshi meri biwi hai.
========================
RISHTA WAHI...SOCH NAYEE..(STAR PLUS)
BOY: Tum Shadi K Bad Apne Liye Alag Ghar To Nahi Mangogi?
GIRL:Nahi me aisi Ladki nahi hu.
Tum Apni ma Ko Alag Ghar Dila Dena!
RISHTA WAHI, SOCH NAYEE
STAR PLUS:)
========================
Chinti Aur Hathi
Ek baar chinti hathi k upar beth kr ja rahe hoti hain..
Raste me kacha pool aa jata ha usko dekhkr chinti boli
"cross kr loge ya me utru?' :-)
========================
Premi Aur Premika
Premika: Aisa Khat koi Likh Sajna,
Meri Umar Beet Jaye Pdhne Me...
Premi: !(=0!> xE'?1!!:e'$ a?>#"e!%;>;>,e=$?#.P(p+>!$
Le Padh le.
========================
Life Main 14 Larkyan...What a life!
Jyotish:
Tumhari life men 14 larkyan ayen gi
Boy"
Oh yess... What a life!"
Jyotish:
Ziyada khush mat ho.
1 Biwi or 13 betyan hongi.
========================
Aadmi Kumbh ke Mele me...
Aadmi kumbh ke mele mai- he prabhu,
teri kripa se kumbh k mele mai bhai-bhai ko bichadte dekha hai,
kabhi pati-patni par b kripa barsao!
========================
Pathan Jokes!!!
1st Pathan: Yara ye jahaz itna bara hoti ha
isay paint kese krte hain?
2nd Pathan: Woi Pagala jab ye door ja k chota sa ho jati hai phir paint krte hain
========================
Santa Banta Jokes!!
Santa- bhai jaldi jao tumhare ghar mein pani ghus gaya hai.
.
.
.
Banta- Kyun jhuth bolta hai,
ghar mein pani kaise ghus sakta hai,
ghar ki chabi jo mere pass hai.
========================
Robert vs Micheal
Robert:- Boss isne kuch nahi kiya phir ise saza kyu di.
Micheal:- smart boy! Aajkal PREPAID ka jamana hai.
Pehle saza bhugto phir galti karo
========================
Konsa Prinda Sab Se Taiz Urta Ha..?
Ustad: Konsa Prinda Sab Se Taiz Urta Ha?
Boy: Hathi
UstaD: Nalaiq,Tera Bap Kia Krta Hy?
Boy: BSP KA Unit incharg he
Ustad: Shabash Hathi is the right answer.
========================
Pathan vs Pathan
Pathan: Yar Sooraj Raat Ko
Kyu Nhi Nikalta?
2 pathan: kia pata nikalta bi ho
andhera itna hota hai kahan dikhai day ga...
========================
Papa Aap Press Kyon Karte Hain...?
Beta-Papa aap press kyon karte hain.
Papa-Isase salvaten nikal jati hai.
Beta-Fir to achchha hai,
main Dadaji ke gaal ki salvaten bhi nikal dunga.
========================
Santa Follows Semester System...!
Santa ne apne 6 months k baby
ki birthday party rakhi,
kisine pucha: 6 month k baby ka B'Day kese.
Santa:Hum semester system ko follow karte hai
========================
Santa Aur Banta
santa Banta se: America main Hollywood hai.
India mai Bollywood hai.
England mai kya hai ?
Banta: England mai Collingwood hai.. :-)
========================
Teacher vs Pathan
Teacher to Pathan: 10 Fruits k Naam Batao?
Pathan:
5 Amrood
5 Aanar. :-)
========================
Santa Apni Jholi Mein Khana Dalne Laga...
Shaadi mein khana khula...
Santa ko plate nahi mili..
Santa apni jholi mein khana dalne laga..
Logon ne poocha Ye Kya..
Santa: Daagh To Chala Jaye Ga...
Ye Waqt Phir Nahi Aaye Ga...
========================
Kal T.V. per Bata Rahe They Ke...!
1st Pathan: Mere bache honge
To 1 ko Karachi
Aur 1 ko Lahore chor aonga....
2nd Pathan: Woh Kyu...?
1st Pathan: Kal T.V. per bata rahe they
bachon ke darmiyan waqfa zaruri hai...
========================
Wife V/S Husband...
Wife: Ye aap ki shirt per lipstick ka nishan kahan se aaya.. ?
Husband: Mai khud heran hon!
Maine tu uss wakt shirt utari hui thi..
========================
Hostel Student and His Friend..
Hostel student 2 his frnd:
"yaar dhoka ho gya".
Friend-"kya ho gya?".
studnt-"bhai kitab k paise mangvaaye the,
gharwalo ne kitabe bhej di'.
========================
Kabhi Apki Ankho me Ansu nhi Layenge...
ye nhi kahta ki apke liye chand tare tod layenge,
ye b nhi ki apke liye ye jahan chhor jayenge,
bus ek waada hai apse hamara,
kabhi apki ankho me ansu nhi layenge.
========================
Meri Shaadi Q Nahi ho Rahi..?
aadmi jyotish se: meri shaadi q nahi ho rahi..?
jyotish: ab qudrat ne teri qismat mein dukh nahi likhy to mein kiya karun...
========================
EK Ladke ne Ladki se Kaha....!
boy: mein tumhy bangla dilaonga car dilaonga
gold k dhiar laga dunga...
girl: acha ye batao shaam ko park aao gy...???
boy: haan agar dost ny bike de di tou....
========================
Santa Aur Uska Ghoda..!
Santa g ka ghora race main sbse peechay tha,
kisi ne poocha:
Santa apka ghora konsa hai?
Santa:O dekh jinnay sareyan nu
agay laya hoya ae.
========================
Teacher V/S Student
Teacher – Agar irada pakka kar k kuch kaam karo tou woh poora hota hai…!!!
Student – Rehne dain miss, agar aisa hota to aaj aap meri baahon me hoti..
========================
Kha Hi Jaanda te Changa C...!
santa: jadon meri navi navi shadi hoi
menu meri biwi ini sohni lagdi c k dil karda c kha hi jawan.
Friend: aur ab???
Santa: kha hi jaanda te changa c
========================
Chooha Aur Billii....
1 Billi Chohey ko Pakar Rahi Thi,
Choha Bhag Bhag Kar Jab Thak Gaya
To Barrey Style Se Khary ho Kar Bola:
"Billo Rani! Kaho to Abi Jaan De Don." :-)
========================
Netaji Aur Teacher..
Teacher- Netaji, apka beta fail ho gaya hai aur aap laddu khila rahe hai?
Netaji- 70 ladko ki class me 60 fail hai,
bahumat 2 mere bete ke saath hai.
========================
Andey ki Qeemat...!
Major Rohail: Hamara Beta Nalaik Hai.
Hamesha Test Main "Andaa" Lata hai.
Anti Misba: Tum Kya Jano "Andey" ki Qeemat.
Pata hai Aaj Kal 105 Rupee Darjan hain. :-)
========================
Tum Khush Naseeb Ho...
Ek Boy Ro Raha Tha:
2nd Boy: Oye kya hua?
1st Boy: Aaj mere Abbu ne Mujhe Juta Mara Hai.
2nd Boy: Tum Khush Naseeb Ho.
"Jutta" Sirf "Azeem" Logon ko he Mara Jata Hia.
========================
Major Rohail Aur Driver
Major Rohail: Jab tum itni tezi se garri chalatey ho To mujhe bohat darr lagta hai.
Driver: Major Sahab aap b meri tarha ankhen Band kar liya kro.
========================
Major Rohail Aur Anti Misba
Anti Misba: Tumari itni hansi kyu Nikal rhi hy?
Major Rohail: Tumara new dress dekh kar.
Anti Misba: Oh Acha! Is ka matlab tumne Abi new dress ka BILL nhi dekha.
========================
Major Rohail Aur Waiter..
Major Rohail: Ye main bardasht nhi kr sakta,
Tumare hotel me bohat saari Makheyan hai.
Waiter: Hukam karen sir! Aap kitni bardasht kr sakte hy?
Baki ko bahar nekal dun ga.
========================
Pathan Ullu kharedne gya par....!
Pathan: Mai Ullu kharedne gya par Nhe khareed ska.
Major Rohail: Kyu? Qeemat zeada tha ya Ullu pasand nhe aya?
Pathan: Ullu ne mre sath jane se inkar kr dya.
========================
AKALMAND SANTA..
Santa: Muje E-Mail bnana hy.
Santa
Santag
Santa123
Santaabc
Koe b nhe mil rha.
Major Rohail: Tum "AKALMAND SANTA" try kro 100% mil jye ga.
========================
Papa Mujhe Nokrani Se Pyar hy...!
Boy: Papa mjhe Nokrani se pyar hy
Mei us se shadi kronga.
Major Rohail: Nokarani ko rani banane ka na socho.
Boy: Kyu?
Major Rohail: Yehi galti mei ne b ke thi beta.
========================
SUCCESFUL Main Kitne C Aate hai...?
Anti Misba: Beta batao "SUCCESFUL" main kitne
"C" aate hai?
Boy: Anti aap Ehtiyatan 3 dafa "C" laga lo.
========================
Qabristan Pr Welcome ka Board....
Santa: Yar muje Major Rohail ne social work krne Pr bohat mara.
Batna: Social Work?
Santa: Han, me ne qabristan k gate pr Welcome ka board lagaya tha.
========================
Santa Aur Banta (Petrol Aur SMS..)
Santa: Yaar ab tu mujhe SMS kyu nhi krta?
Banta: Petrol mehnga ho gya hy.
Santa: Petrol & SMS?
Banta: Easy load karvane k lye ghar se 10 km
Dur bike pr jana prta hy.
========================
BE-IZZATIIII...!! Teacher V/S Student..
BE-IZZATIIII...!!!
Maths teacher: jab mai tumhare jitna bada tha,
mere maths mein 100 marks aate the.
Student: Sir, aapko koi acha teacher padhata hoga. :D
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SMS Bole to....SARDAR MANMOHAN SINGH...!!
Munna-apun ka desh kaun chalata hai?
Circuit-bhai simple hai...apna SMS.
Munna-kya fekta hai?Circuit-bhai sms bole to
....SARDAR MANMOHAN SINGH...
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Pati Aur Patni....
Patni- shadi se pahle aap roj gift dete they,
par ab nahi dete,kyu?
Pati: kabhi tumne machuware ko machli pakadne ke
baad usey dana dalte dekha hai kya?
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Chooha Aur Haathi....
2 choohay darakht pe bethy thy nechy se ek haathi guzra
ek chooha hathi py ja gira...!!!
dosra chooha bola,
daba k rakh saalay ko, mein bhi aata hoon..
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Boss V/S Employee..
Employee:
Boss aap shadi shuda mardon ko hi noukri q daitay hain????
Boss:
Q kay unhain pehlay hi say Gaalian khanay ki aadat hoti hai….
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HBFC KA Matlab...???
Teacher: Tumhare father kia karte hain?
Student: HBFC k malik hain.
Teacher: O Nice, acha ye HBFC ka matlab kia hai?
Student: Hafiz Burger & Fruit Chaat
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Most Deadliest Joke Ever...!!
1 Aurat ne ishara krke taiz a rhi bus ko roka.
Driver: Kaha jana hai?
Aurat: Jana to kahin nhi hai..
Bacha ro raha hai.
Zara bus ka horn poo-poo baja do..
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Bhia Ye Larki Kia Hoti Hai...?
aik admi dosre se: bhia ye larki kia hoti hai?
dosra:" pata nahi yar main to khud peshawar main rahta haon".
Submitted by: Hriyansh
Place: Kanpu
Herat Angez Magr Sach.....!!!
NewZealand me 1
Bacha peda hua hy
Pedaish k wkt
uska wght 80kg tha jo bhadta gya or 15 din bad 280kg ho gya
herat angez Magr sach hy
Q k
Bacha Hathi ka tha.
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Hmare Pakistan ki Halat Dekh Kar...
1 Ghar mein TWINS paida huwe to saas ne kaha:
mubarik ho! bhala bataao..
hmare pakistan k halat daikh kar
bache bhi dunia mein akele ane se darte hain.
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Bachi ko Jor se Roti Dekh Maa ne Poocha...?
Bachi ko jor-jor se roti dekhkar maa ne poocha- “kyo roti ho?”
Bachi- “Bhaiya ne meri gudiya tod di”
Maa- “Kaise? Kaise tod di?”
Bachi- “Maine gudiya uske sir par maari thi?”
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Ek Maa--Doosri Maa se Boli...!
Ek Maa boli- “Galiyo me khel-khelkar bache
kitne gande ho jaate hai”
Doosri Maa- “Haan, behanji Ab dekho na,
das bacho ke muh dhone pade, tab kahi
jaakar mai apne guddu ko pehchaan payi
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Seeta Aur Geeta....!
Seeta- “Behan, bartan saaf karne ke liye sabse
achi kaun-si cheej hai?”
Geeta- “Maine bartan saaf karne ke liye bahut-si
cheeje istmaal ki, par pati se acha kisi ko nahi paya”
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Rinku... kya kar rahe ho..?
Master- “Rinku, kya kar rahe ho? Padh rahe ho kya?”
Rinku- “Ji nahi Shrimaan, mai apki baat sun raha hu”
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Yamraj Ke Darbaar Me
Baniya, pandit sardar yemraj ke darbar me-
Yamaraj: tum teeno ke paap punya ek samaan. Kya mangte ho swarg ya narak?
Sardar : o jitthe daru, murga te cabrett dancer hove utthe bhej de.
Yamraj: ok , send him to narak.
Pandit: maharaj jahan pooja paath karwane wale log ho, daan punya karte ho !
Yamrah: ok send him to swarg.
Baniya: maharaj mannu swarg narag koni chahiye, mannu to beech raste me thodi jagah do, dukan daal longa dono taraf ke customer aate rahaenge.
Yamraj dung rah gaya, ye kaun see cheej yamlok me aa gayee!
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Bus Number 670
Mauji ram delhi me mauj lene gaya. Ek aadmi se poochha mauj lene wali jagah kaun si bus jayegi? Jawab mila : 670 last stop utar jana. Kaafi intezar kiya par 670 nahi aayi 570 aa gayi. Mauji ne socha shayad 570 hi jaati hogi wo chad gaya aur last stop pe utar gaya. Ek ghar ki batti jal rahi thi, knock kar ke poochha, dhani ram ka ghar kahan hai ? Jawa : pata nahi. Lady badi sundar thi. Bola 500/- me kam ho jayega kya. Kaam ho gaya. Tabhi door knock hua. Lady ne kaha mera husband aa gaya , tum screw driver and plier le ke telephone theek karne ka naatak karo. Door khola tau aadmi ne poocha kaun hai ye. Jawab telephone theek karne wala. Ok tea le kar ao. Tabhi telephone theek karne wale ko dekha tau usne uth kar jor dar thappad mara aur kaha," tujhe 670 batay tha tu 570 me chadh ke mere hi ghar aa gaya.
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Please keep quite
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"
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Girls r like a internet virus
Girls r like a internet virus.
She enter in ur life.
Edit ur mind.
Scan ur pocket.
Upload their problems.
And hang ur LIFE.
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Traveling in a ship
three boys will be traveling in a ship;
first boy: do you know my dad dived into ganga and came out from yamuna;
second boy: thats it! my dad dived into yamuna and came out from godavari;
and the third boy: hahaha! thats it ! my dad dived into tank and came out from tap....
.....hahahaha..........
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Gandhi Giri
Girl: Mom aaj 1 ladke ne mere gaal pe kiss kiya.
Mom: Tune usko chata mara ya nahi?
Girl: Mujhe achank Gandhiji yaad aa gaye or maine dusra gal aage kar diya
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Mr.Bean Made a Call to Hospital
Mr.Bean made a call to the Hospital to ask about his pregnant wife........
But the call went to a Cricket Stadium.......
He asked what is the Condition......??
He had an heart attack after he got the answer.....
7 are already out, 3 still to come and the first one was a DUCK!!!
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I Forget What I Say
Doctor I have a problem I forget what ever I say.
Doctor: when did the problem start?
Santa: What problem are you talking about?
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SECRECTS OF BISCUITS
Life Me Ek Baat Hamesha Yaad Rakhna.
Cream Biscuits Me Cream Hota Hai Laken
Tiger Biscurts Me Tiger Nahi Hota Hai.
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ELEPHANT AND CAT
Cat: How old are u?
Elephant: 5 years old
Cat: But u look so big
Elephant: I am a complan boy
Elephant: How old u are
Cat: 30 years old
Elephant:but u look very small
Cat:Ponds Age Miracle, Badalti Umar Mano Tham Si Jaye.
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World cup
Ponting, Apni wife se: Mujhe Chai to dena..
Biwi ne plate me chai daal ke diya.
ponting ghusse se bola: Cup mein daal ke do....
Biwi: CUP to tera Baap Dhoni le jayega isi me peene ki Aadat daal. :-)
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March Ending
Yamraj 14000 logo ko japan se narak le ja raha tha.
Raste me naradji mil gaye. naradji-itne sare ek sath?
Yamraj bole MARCH ending hai, target pura karna hai
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World Cup 2011
Afridi., apni biwi se: Mujhe chai to dena..
Biwi ne plate me chai daal ke di.
Afridi ghusse se bola: Cup mein daal ke do!
Biwi: CUP to tera Baap Dhoni le jayega isi me peene ki aadat daal.
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Aalu & Bhindi
1 aalu ne Bhindi k number pe I love u ka msg beja, Bhindi ne use phone kar k bura bhala kaha aur boli,, Shut up,,tum itne mote aur main Slim and Smart Aalu ko bahut dukh hua aur us ne phir itni sabziyan fasaayi ki Aaj aap dekh skte ho, Aalu-ghobi, Aalu- bengan, Aalu-Shimla mirch, Aalu-palak, Aalu-matar, Aur Bindhi us din se aaj tak akeli hai.!! MORAL: MAT KAR ITNA GURUR SURAT PAR AE HASEENA.
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Life, start to End
Dimaag- Vichaaro ki Factory_!
School- 5 Ghante ki Jail_!
College- Yuvao ka bagicha_!
Profesar- Aadhe Ghante ka Radio_!
Waqil- Paaglo ka Anubhavi_!
Mandir- Manpasand Chappalo ka Showroom_!
Talkies- Premiyo ki Paryogshala_!
Saas- Bahu ki C.I.D_!
Shadi- Berojgaar yuvao ki Barbaadi_!
Mangalsutra- Shaadi ka License_!
Jail- Bina kiraaye ka makaan_!
Doctar- Yamraj ka dushman_!
Kabristaan - duniya ka Last Station..!
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Dhoni to Sachin
DHONI to SACHIN: "God has sent me on earth to show people how to play cricket-" :-)
SACHIN Replied: "I never sent anybody"
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Husband to Wife
Husband- Raja Dashrath ki 3 Raniya thi
Wife- To?
Husband- To Me 2 shadiya or kar sakta hu
Wife- soch lo Dropadi k 5 pati the
Husband: just joking yaar.
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RAJ vs LALU
RAJ - "Ham sher k Bachhe hai, Ham kisi se Nahi Darte.
LALU - chalo thik hai, par ee batao ki Sher ghar pe aya tha, ya Tumhri Amma "Jungle" gai thi?
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Tera Yaar
Golu To Wife: Mera Yaar Aaya he Chai to Bana Do
Wife-Mai Nahi Bana Rahi
Golu -Bana De, Jab Tera Yaar Aayega to Mai bhi Bana Dunga
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A Nice Joke
Ek budhe kisan ne apne bete ko jail me khat likha- "beta me aalu ki fasal nahi bo sakta, Itna bada khet mujse nahi khudega
kash tu meri madad kr pata."
Bete ne wapas jawab diya- "papa aap khet mat khodna mene waha hathiyar chupa rakhe hai.
Agle din police force ne sara khet khod diya par hathiyar nahi mila..
Bete ne fir baap ko likha- papa yaha se me itni hi madad kr pauga, Aap ab aalu uga dijiye..
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First Vacation
Banta got his first job, came home and told his parents the good news. He told them, but I will not get any vacation until I get married. His father asked him, "How is that?" Banta explained that the benefit manual says, "Vacation time may not be taken until you have had your first anniversary."
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Best traffic rule for wear helmet...
Traffic Ad of the year :
Picture of Lord Ganesha with a saying :- "Care for yr head & wear helmet...
not everyone gets a replacement like me..."
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Tintumon Jokes
Tintumon was driving the car very speedly.
Dundumol asked: why are you driving so fast?
Tintu replied: our car's break has gone. We have to reach our home before we met with an accident!
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Heaven
3 log mar kar swarg pahuche...bhagwan gate pr khade the....
1st bola : mein pujari hoon..maine zindagibhar aapki bhakti ki, mujhe ander lelo... Bhagwan
2nd bola : mein doctor hoon, maine kai logon ki jaan bachai hain, mujhe swarg mein le lo.... bhagwan
3rd bola : Bhagwan, maine CA kiya hai...!!
Bhagwan : Bas kr pagle, rulayga kya...chal ander aaja..
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