Some tourists in the Punjab Museum
Some tourists in the Punjab Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones.
One of them asked the guard, Santa Singh 'Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?'
Santa replied, 'They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.'
'That's an awfully exact number,' says the tourist. 'How do you know their age so precisely?'
Santa answered, 'Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when
I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.'
=====================================
Santa Singh and wife came upon a wishing well
Santa Singh and wife came upon a wishing well.
Santa Singh leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too.
But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
Santa Singh was stunned for awhile but then smiled and said, 'It really works!'
=====================================
Santa singh kept staring at his computer screen
Santa singh kept staring at his computer screen for quite a while.
To break the long pause another guy comes to him and asks,
'Why are you simply staring at it...
why don't you do start working?' santa singh replies,
'Take a look at the screen...'.
The other guy looks and there displayed is the message
'Press any key to continue'. The man asked 'So what?'
santa singh replies, 'Look, this damn keyboard doesn't have the '
Any' key!...How do I continue now...'
=====================================
Santa Singh had been standing in the middle of his field
Santa Singh had been standing in the middle of his field (farm) for a long time.
While passing by Santa Singh asked him what he was doing.
Banta replied, 'I heard those who are outstanding in their field are awarded
the Nobel prize. So I waiting for mine!
=====================================
Santa Singh hurries into the emergency room
Santa Singh hurries into the emergency room
late one night with the tip of his index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked him.
'well, I was trying to commit suicide,' Santa replied. '
What?' sputtered the doctor.
'You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?'
'No! No! No! I put the gun to my ear, and
I thought: This is going to make a loud noise.
So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.'
=====================================
Santa & banta were hanging on tree
Santa & banta were hanging on tree, suddenly santa fell.
banta asked: ku be thak gaya?
santa answered: nahin pak gaya
=====================================
Banta saw a man pick pocketing a purse
Banta saw a man pick pocketing a purse.
Thief: There is Rs 150 in the purse.We can take 50_50.
Banta slowley asked him,"what abt the balance 50"
=====================================
How do you recognize Santa's son
Q: How do you recognize Santa's son,
Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board
=====================================
Santa banta were in conversation on the beach
Santa banta were in conversation on the beach :
Santa :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
banta : Tumhe nahe pata ? Santa : Nahe pata.
banta : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .
=====================================
Banta complained to his friend about his wife
Banta complained to his friend about his wife '
My wife never agrees with anything I say.
And we have been married for six years .'
Preeto (mrs. Banta) intervened, ' Not six we have been married for seven years !
=====================================
A high rise bulding
'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding.
When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said,
'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh.
D'I am not your son.' I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.
=====================================
Santa, where's your homework?
Santa, where's your homework?" the teacher said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
"My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Santa, I've been a teacher for eighteen years.
Do you really expect me to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss, I swear," insisted the boy.
"I had to force him, but he ate it!"
=====================================
Santa goes to see Jurassic Park
santa goes to see Jurassic Park and
when the Dinosaurs start approaching,
he was hiding under his seat
when his friend asks him ;kyon santaji,
kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.;
santa replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai,
pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai,
usko kya pata
=====================================
Banta to Girlfriend
banta to Girlfriend= Darling main tum se shaadi nahi karsakta gharwale mana karrahe hai.
Girlfriend= Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai.
banta= 1 biwi aur 3 bacche…
=====================================
santa banta looking at Egyptian mummy.
Santa banta looking at Egyptian mummy.
santa:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.
banta: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!
=====================================
Aaj Tho Chicken Bahuth Tasty Hai
Santa Ne Biwi Sey Poocha Aaj Tho Chicken Bahuth Tasty Hai.. K
Uch Khas Masala Lagaya Kya?
Biwi: Kuch Nahi Thodi Sa Jal Gaya Tha...
Isliye Burnol Cream Lagaya...
=====================================
It was Santa's weding aniversary.
It was Santa's weding aniversary.
Preeto: Shall v hav Tandoori chicken to celebrate?
Santa:y punish da poor chicken for da mistake v hav made
=====================================
Santa in mysore palace
Santa in mysore palace,
Tourist guide sir PLz don sit there,
It's Tippu sultan's chair.
santa - oye don't worry yaar I will get up when he comes
=====================================
Santa was filling up an application
Santa was filling up an application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what was to be filled in the column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
=====================================
Your daughter has died! Depressed
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed,
he jumps from the 100th floor At the 50th floor,
he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!
At the 25th flr: He's unmarried! At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.
=====================================
When I die, I wana die like my grandpa
Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep?
Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
=====================================
Santa at an Art Gallery
Santa at an Art Gallery:
I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art?
art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
=====================================
Santa was writing something very slowly
Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"
Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast
=====================================
Banta Singh in court
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area.
The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They should not put up such misleading notices,"said
Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."
=====================================
Sir hun meri salary wada diyo
Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi
=====================================
Aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain
Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain,
us hisab se rate lagega? Santa: 2-3 gaa kar prg shuru kar dena,
baad mein sharabi baraat ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai
=====================================
What's the difference between
Banta: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
Santa: The taste.
=====================================
Banta was driving
Banta was driving down the highway past a sign that said,
"Clean Toilets 8 Kms." By the time he drove eight kms he had cleaned 14 toilets
=====================================
What type of glasses they have made
Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made.
The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top,
how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'
=====================================
Santa took an answering machine home
Santa took an answering machine home and
fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it because
he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
( "he picks up the receiver and then says he is not at home" )
=====================================
it's my HELLO TUNE!
Santa: I tried ur number so many times,
it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!
=====================================
Jab main paida hua tha to military walon
Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi.
Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?
=====================================
Santa meets his old friend.
Santa meets his old friend.
Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.
Friend: Oye, iska matlab? Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.
=====================================
Sitting on The Top of the Mountain
Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying....
When Banta asked what he was doing....
He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
=====================================
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chicks to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chicks because all of the first lot had died.
Another month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chicks,
for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa.
'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
=====================================
How did santa Kill a Lion?
How did santa Kill a Lion?
santa thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion:
I'll drink poison n let the lion eat me. Hari Om!
=====================================
Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop
Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa says...
Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.
=====================================
Santa was standing below a tube light
Santa was standing below a tube light with mouth wide open.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".
=====================================
A street dog was chasing Santa
A street dog was chasing Santa
and he was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.
=====================================
Bata k meri tokri me kya hai
Santa: to bata k meri tokri me kya hai,
to sab ande tere,or ye bata ke kitney hain to 8 ke 8 tery,
aur agar ye bata dey kis ke hain to murgi bi teri.
Banta: Hint dey yar
=====================================
I have been promoted
Santa gets ready, wears his tie and coat; goes out,
climbs a tree and sits on the branch regularly.
Banta asks why he does this.
Santa: "I've been promoted as branch manager."
=====================================
Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa:Kyunk iis Cement mein jaan hai.
=====================================
Why U prefer prepaid connection than postpaid?
Man askd Santa:why U prefer prepaid connection than postpaid?
Santa: prepaid me bahut fayda hai,call k bad bill badneke bajay kuM Hota hai
=====================================
Ticket dikhao?
TT: ticket dikhao?
SANTA: lo dekho.
TT: ye to purani hai.
SANTA: to train kaun c nayi hai?.
=====================================
Santa got himself a puzzle game
Santa got himself a puzzle game.
It took him 10 hard months to finish it. H
e was so proud of himself because at the side of the box it was written: ?2-3 yrs?
=====================================
Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal
Santa : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta : 'Yes, I have' Santa : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
Santa : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta : 'Well, my father killed it.'
=====================================
Heights of Friendship
Heights of Friendship:
Santa commiting suicide,
someone asked the reason. He said:
My wife ran with my friend and I can't live without my friend.
=====================================
What does Santa do after taking a xerox?
What does Santa do after taking a xerox?
He compares it with the original for any spelling mistakes
=====================================
Santa proposed to a girl...
Santa proposed to a girl......
Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'.
Santa said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you next year
=====================================
Why are all these people running?
Santa - "why are all these people running?"
Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup."
Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"
=====================================
The film only for above 18..
Santa took 18 more people with him to watch a film.
On being questioned about the big group,
they replied that the film was only for above 18...
=====================================
Santa was focusing on the dead body's face
Photographer Santa was focusing on the dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"
=====================================
Faansi se pehle,
Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya hai?
Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche kar k faansi de do!
=====================================
A Banta went to museum
A Banta went to museum, there he broke a statue.
OFFICER: you have broken a 5000 yrs old statue !!
Banta: ThankGod ! Mujhe laga naya tha.
=====================================
What is a adult joke?
Banta was asked, what is a adult joke?
Reply came any joke which is eighteen years old.
=====================================
Banta sent a SMS
Banta sent a SMS to his pregnant wife.
Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing.
The report said, "DELIVERED".
=====================================
Santa ka Bachcha
Santa K 9 Beto Me 1Alag Dikta Tha.
Santa Ne Marte Waqt Biwi Se Pucha Ab To Sach Bata Ye Alag Dikhne Wala Kiska Hai
Biwi-Ye 1Hi To Apka Hai
=====================================
Pappu Da result...
Santa: tere result da ki banya?
Pappu: madam kendi si class vich 1 saal hor lagana hai.
Santa: phir theek hai,
saal chahe 2,3 hor lag jayn, bas fail na hona.
=====================================
Meri Biwi Ini Sohni Lagdi c...
santa: jadon meri navi navi shadi hoi menu meri biwi
ini sohni lagdi c k dil karda c kha hi jawan.
Friend: aur ab???
Santa: kha hi jaanda te changa c
=====================================
Santa Aur Banta
Santa: oye banta machli khayega?
Banta:nahi yaar usme kaante hote hain.
Santa: oye chadd yaar, chappal pahen k kha lena.
=====================================
Santa and his Lost Dog..
santa:-yaar mera kutta kho gaya hai. Main kya karu?
Banta:abe tu paper me kyo nahi de deta ki tera kutta kho gaya.
Santa: chup kar sale mera kutta pada likha nahi hai.
=====================================
Ultimate Logic of Santa..!!!
Ultimate logic of Santa
Banta: What is the opposite of 'Achaar'?
Santa: Onion.
Banta: How?
Achaar = Pickle = Pee+kal.
So opposite of 'Pee+kal' is 'Pee+aaj' = Onion.
=====================================
Santa with Break Dance...
Santa- Cycle ka break hath me lekar nach kar raha tha.
Banta- ye kya kar rahe ho?
Santa - Oye! dikhta nahi, break dance kar raha hoon.
=====================================
Santa Suffering from Loose Motion
Santa: Dr. saab, I'm suffering from loose motion.
Doc: Kinni ku patli aundi hai?
Santa: Dr. saab,samaj lao ke tusi us naal Grare kar sakde ho!
=====================================
America Di Raajdhaani Punjab...!
santa praying bhagwaan
plz punjab nu america di raajdhaani bna deo ...
banta- kyu yaar ,
santa- yaar main paper vich likh aaya
=====================================
Santa Felt Down from a Building...
SANTA BUIDLING TO THALLE DIG PAYA PAR BACH GAYA,
EK JANANI NE KEHA PUT WAHEGURU TERE MAGAR C.
SANTA BOLIYA:- MAIN V SOCH REHA C KE MAINU DHAKKA KINE DITA
=====================================
Santa and Banta in the Same Class...
brothers santa n banta were in d same class.
teacher: y u wrote ur father`s name diff?
boys: madam tusi fir kehna c nakal maari...
=====================================
Sadi Jaan te Bani Hai...!
Banta:- Sadi Jaan te bani hai, tera haasa ho gya.
Santa:- Sada Vyah v nahi hoya te Tere Kaka ho gya.
=====================================
Santa fir Flush me Naha Aya...
Santa:- Bhaaji, tusi banglabada vadhiya banaya hai,
par bathroom me bath tub bahut chota hai.
Banta:- Oye, tu fir se FLUSH me naha aya.
=====================================
Mere Viah Di Movie...!
Santa: Kal Raat Nu Film Vich Ik Chudail Kade
Mere Agge Kade Mere Piche Ghummi Ja Rai Si,
Banta: Kehri Film Si…?
Santa: Mere Viah Di Movie.
=====================================
History teacher v/s Santa...
History teacher asked Santa:
Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Santa: Adidas
=====================================
Santa and Banta In Office
santa-tu office me to sher bana ghumta h..
ghar pe tujhe kya ho jata h..?
banta- hota to sher he hoon,
bas upar DURGA sawar ho jati hai...
=====================================
Santa v/s Doctor
Santa: Dr. saab mujhe chot lag gayi he
Dr: Bahut gehri chot hai, taanke lagenge, 1000 Rs lagenge
Santa: Bhutni dea, taanke laune ne, kadayi ni karni
=====================================
Santa Nu Disco Dance Wich 1st Prize Milea...
santa:Mainu disco dance wich 1st prize milea..
Banta: Yaar tenu te dance nahi c Aanda..??
Santa: Yaar mainu Stage te Mirgi da daura pai gaya c...
=====================================
Santa...Drinking and Driving
Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde.
Banta: Y?
Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau.
=====================================
Santa v/s Bebe...!
Santa- Bebe m chandigadh ch computer chalana sikh lavan.
Bebe- Putter sikh tan le per chandigadh ch bheed
bahut hundi h kite bhida na dein..
=====================================
Santa kenda ke zindgi 4 dina di hey.
Santa: yar kende ne zindgi 4 dina di ey.
Banta: Aho! te fer test match kyn 5 dina da honda ey?
=====================================
Santa Aur Uska Ghora
Santa g ka ghora race main sbse peechay tha,
kisi ne poocha:
Santa apka ghora konsa hai?
Santa:O dekh jinnay sareyan nu
agay laya hoya ae.
=====================================
Santa's Consolation to his Wife Lover..
Santa's wife dies. He is calm,
but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, santa consoles him:
Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
=====================================
Santa Inserting Dogs Tail into Pipe!!
Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.
=====================================
Santa Aur Uski Premika
Ek din Santa ne apni premika ko himmat jutakar keh dala
---– "I love you".
Premika(Gusse se) : Jara pyar se nahi keh sakte?
Santa : I love you Didi!!!!
Submitted by: Faraz
Place: Kalinga Ashok, Bhubaneswar
Film Director (Santa) v/s Actor
Film Director Santa: U have to jump to a swimming pool-from 100 ft.
Actor: But I don't know swimming sir.
Santa: Don't worry there is no water.
=====================================
Meri Behan Da Baapu Mer Gia...
Santa weeping. Friend asked ki hoya?
Santa: bapu mer gaya.
After 5 mints santa again crying.
Friend asked: hun ki hoya?
Santa said: meri behan da baapu v mer gia
=====================================
Postman and Banta
Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U this Packet.
Banta:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
=====================================
Banta Asking Question to Son
Banta- Beta Tu College me SabSe Mushkil kaam konSe Sikha?
BETA- 2 Mushkil kaam Papa! Daanto se BEER ki Bottle kholna, Aur Tez Aandhi me 1 Tili se Cigratte Jalana.
=====================================
Shadi Ke Joda Kaun Banata Hai
Santa :- yaar shadi ke jode kaun banata hai..?
Banta - aasman me bhagwan banata hai..
Santa - yaar galti ho gayi mai to tailor ko de aaya...!
=====================================
Happy B'day 2u Hanumanji.
Santa Went 2 a Temple On Hanuman Jayanti. Pujari Gave Him Aarti. Guess,
What Santa Did? Socho? Santa Diya bhuja kar bola.."Oye Happy B'day 2u Hanumanji.."
=====================================
CHAAND me PANI aur BARAF
Santa :- Angrejo ne CHAAND ke upar PANI aur BARAF ki khoj kar li hai..
Banta:-humney ab sirf DAARU aur namkeen leke jana hai...
=====================================
Santa's Tips
Santa: "To bataiye pani ke bina insan kaise marega ?
Banta: pani nahi hoga to insan tairega kaise', aur tairega nahi to doob jayega.
=====================================
Santa in Aeroplane
Santa Aeroplane Me Pilot Ka Headphone Cheen Raha Tha.
Pilot: yeh kya kar rahe ho? Santa: Saalo ticket humLe Aur gaane tum suno.
=====================================
BRAKE FAIL
Santa in Car with full Speed,
Baanta why are you driving in such a speed,
Santa there is no brake in car let us reach home before we meet accident
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