Angry SMS

New Angry SMS and messages. Latest collection of Angry SMS, Angry messages, Angry wishes, Angry text greetings, happy Angry messages, Hindi and English Angry sms messages for your friends.
It is impossible to be angry and laugh at the same time
It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time.
Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.

Submitted by: Aarju
Place: Kalinga Ashok, Bhubaneswar

Hansi Ne Labon Pe Ana Choor Dia
Hansi ne labon pe ana choor dia hai,
Khawabo ne palkon pe ana choor dia hai
Aati nahi hain tab se hichkiyaan bhi
Aap ne jab se yaad karna choor dia hai.

Submitted by: Ayan
Place: Uran, Navi Mumbai


Say Hatta k Bat Karo
zulf rukh say hatta k bat karo
raat ko din bana k bat karo
ashianay k charagh madhum hain tum zara
aankhain uttha k baat karo koi taza fareb
danain ko tum zara muskara k baat karo
yeh bhi andazay guftagu hai
koi jab karo dil dukha k bat karo.

Submitted by: Arpan
Place: Mylapore, Chennai

Habe-e-Haal
Apney he Habe-e-Haal mangti hon,
Bas Dua-e-Wisaal Mangti hon,
Teri qurbat main jo guzar sako,
main wohi maah-o-saal mangti ho,
jiski tabeer mil sake mujhko,
Khuab sa ik khyaal mangti hon,
Mere hathon ko bas hina dedey, angry funny sms
Tujhse main zar na maal mangti hon.

Submitted by: Avanesh
Place: JM Road, Pune


Diwangi Se Kam Na Thi
Diwangi se kam na thi kuch apni justujo
Hum bewafa jahan me wafa dhondte rahey
Mehromiyon k dor me kin hasraton k sath
Hum pathron k dil me khuda dhondte rahey.

Submitted by: Keshav
Place: Kanpur Road

Kal Ko Milne....
Kal ko milne ki aas rehne do,
Zindagi ki baqi pyas rhne do,
Apni khushiyan smait lo jana
Mujh ko u hi udas rhne do.

Submitted by: Nived
Place: Kailash Colony, New Delhi


Trying To Taper Off?
A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget.
Upset and furious over his actions,
the woman screams,
"You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!"
Trying his best to calm her down,
the husband turns to his wife and says,
"Take it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper off?"

Submitted by: Naitik
Place: Mumbai, India

A Change
Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.

Submitted by: Rayyan
Place: Patna City, Bihar


Happiest Turns Wisely
Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.

Submitted by: Aarushi
Place: Bangalore, India

Impossible to do
It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.

Submitted by: Vrishab
Place: New Delhi, India


Makes a Difference
Do something that makes a difference - because, by God, there's a lot to make you angry.

Submitted by: Ubadah
Place: Kolkata, India

When You are Angry
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

Submitted by: Shourya
Place: Khargpur, India


Anger is A Killing Thing
Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.

Submitted by: Rachit
Place: JM Road, Pune

Angry at A Loved One
If you're angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug - which is all the more reason to do so. It's hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that's precisely what happens when we hug each other.

Submitted by: Namit
Place: Mumbai, India


Nothing More Galling
There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.

Submitted by: Pratyush
Place: Kolkata, India

Anger is The Feeling That
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

Submitted by: Anika
Place: Veerangana Nagar, Kanpur Road


ANGER is An Acid
ANGER is an acid that does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored, that to anything on which it is poured.

Submitted by: Aarju
Place: Kalinga Ashok, Bhubaneswar

Anger is the Only Evil
"Anger is the only evil which makes love invisible for a minute.
And love is the only suspicious thing which is visible even after anger.

Submitted by: Viraj
Place: Bulandshahr


Single Harsh Word Spoken
A Single Harsh Word Spoken
At The Time Of Anger Is So Poisonous
That It Makes Us To forget The
100 Lovable Conversations Within Seconds.
Never get angry,be Happy always!!!
Yeah,like this!

Submitted by: Tejas
Place: Kanpur

ANGER Comes Alone
ANGER Comes Alone
Bt TAKES AWAY all the GOOD
Qualities FROM Us.

PATIENCE Too Comes Alone,
Bt
BRINGS All the GOOD Qualities To Us.

So Be with It....

Submitted by: Simar
Place: Patna City, Bihar


Quote on Anger
Beautiful quote on anger:
"If u r right then there is no need to get angry" and "if u r wrong then u dont have any right to be angry"

Submitted by: Shainon
Place: Mahape, Mumbai

Angry is Like Cancer
Angry is like Cancer which eats up the completely from innerside and known when condition is severe.

Submitted by: Haashir
Place: Kanpur


Diwangi Se Kam Na Thi Kuch Apni Justujo
Diwangi se kam na thi kuch apni justujo
Hum bewafa jahan me wafa dhondte rahey
Mehromiyon k dor me kin hasraton k sath
Hum pathron k dil me khuda dhondte rahey.

Submitted by: Atulya
Place: Patna City, Bihar

Zulf Rukh Say Hatta K Bat Karo
zulf rukh say hatta k bat karo
raat ko din bana k bat karo
ashianay k charagh madhum hain tum zara
aankhain uttha k baat karo koi taza fareb
danain ko tum zara muskara k baat karo
yeh bhi andazay guftagu hai
koi jab karo dil dukha k bat karo.

Submitted by: Anveesha
Place: Mumbai, India


Apney He Habe-E-Haal Mangti Hon
Apney he Habe-e-Haal mangti hon,
Bas Dua-e-Wisaal Mangti hon,
Teri qurbat main jo guzar sako,
main wohi maah-o-saal mangti ho,
jiski tabeer mil sake mujhko,
Khuab sa ik khyaal mangti hon,
Mere hathon ko bas hina dedey,
Tujhse main zar na maal mangti hon.

Submitted by: Ansh
Place: Lahore, Pakistan

Wada Kero Per Nibhana Sikho
Wada kero per nibhana sikho
Chahat dil mein rakho per jitna sikho
U hi kisi ko intizar na karvao
Koi ager pyar se SMS kare to jawab dena sikho.

Submitted by: Dhriti
Place: Veerangana Nagar, Kanpur Road


Hansi Ne Labon Pe Ana Choor Dia Hai
Hansi ne labon pe ana choor dia hai,
Khawabo ne palkon pe ana choor dia hai
Aati nahi hain tab se hichkiyaan bhi
Aap ne jab se yaad karna choor dia hai.

ubmitted by: Aditi
Place: JM Road, Pune

Ab Is Dil Se Ye Gawara Nahi Hota
Ab is dil se ye gawara nahi hota,
inBOX main koi SMS tumhara nahi hota,
Bhool ker he sms ker diya kero,
Sirf yaad kerne se guzara nahi hota.

Submitted by: Haashir
Place: Kanpur


Do not wish to be prone to anger
If you do not wish to be prone to anger,
do not feed the habit;
give it nothing which may tend to its increase.

Submitted by: Shainon
Place: Mahape, Mumbai

Anger at lies lasts forever
Anger at lies lasts forever.
Anger at truth can't last.

Submitted by: Prince
Place: Gaziabad


Never get angry
Never get angry.
Never make a threat.
Reason with people.

Submitted by: Krishu
Place: Lahore, Pakistan

If you would cure anger
If you would cure anger, do not feed it.
Say to yourself: 'I used to be angry every day;
then every other day; now only every third or fourth day.'
When you reach thirty days
offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the gods.

Submitted by: Krish
Place: Mumbai, India


Anger makes dull men witty

Anger makes dull men witty,
but it keeps them poor.

Submitted by: Simar
Place: Patna City, Bihar

When anger rises
When anger rises,
think of the consequences.

Submitted by: Tejas
Place: Kanpur


Anger makes you smaller
Anger makes you smaller,
while forgiveness forces you
to grow beyond what you were.

Submitted by: Viraj
Place: Bulandshahr

Events will take their course
Events will take their course,
it is no good of being angry at them;
he is happiest who wisely turns
them to the best account.

Submitted by: Anika
Place: Veerangana Nagar, Kanpur Road


It is impossible to be angry and laugh at the same time
It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time.
Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.

Submitted by: Aarju
Place: Kalinga Ashok, Bhubaneswar

Hansi Ne Labon Pe Ana Choor Dia
Hansi ne labon pe ana choor dia hai,
Khawabo ne palkon pe ana choor dia hai
Aati nahi hain tab se hichkiyaan bhi
Aap ne jab se yaad karna choor dia hai.

Submitted by: Ayan
Place: Uran, Navi Mumbai


Say Hatta k Bat Karo
zulf rukh say hatta k bat karo
raat ko din bana k bat karo
ashianay k charagh madhum hain tum zara
aankhain uttha k baat karo koi taza fareb
danain ko tum zara muskara k baat karo
yeh bhi andazay guftagu hai
koi jab karo dil dukha k bat karo.

Submitted by: Arpan
Place: Mylapore, Chennai

Habe-e-Haal
Apney he Habe-e-Haal mangti hon,
Bas Dua-e-Wisaal Mangti hon,
Teri qurbat main jo guzar sako,
main wohi maah-o-saal mangti ho,
jiski tabeer mil sake mujhko,
Khuab sa ik khyaal mangti hon,
Mere hathon ko bas hina dedey, angry funny sms
Tujhse main zar na maal mangti hon.

Submitted by: Avanesh
Place: JM Road, Pune


Diwangi Se Kam Na Thi
Diwangi se kam na thi kuch apni justujo
Hum bewafa jahan me wafa dhondte rahey
Mehromiyon k dor me kin hasraton k sath
Hum pathron k dil me khuda dhondte rahey.

Submitted by: Keshav
Place: Kanpur Road

Kal Ko Milne....
Kal ko milne ki aas rehne do,
Zindagi ki baqi pyas rhne do,
Apni khushiyan smait lo jana
Mujh ko u hi udas rhne do.

Submitted by: Nived
Place: Kailash Colony, New Delhi


Trying To Taper Off?
A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget.
Upset and furious over his actions,
the woman screams,
"You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!"
Trying his best to calm her down,
the husband turns to his wife and says,
"Take it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper off?"

Submitted by: Naitik
Place: Mumbai, India

A Change
Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.

Submitted by: Rayyan
Place: Patna City, Bihar


Happiest Turns Wisely
Events will take their course, it is no good of being angry at them; he is happiest who wisely turns them to the best account.

Submitted by: Aarushi
Place: Bangalore, India

Impossible to do
It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time. Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.

Submitted by: Vrishab
Place: New Delhi, India


Makes a Difference
Do something that makes a difference - because, by God, there's a lot to make you angry.

Submitted by: Ubadah
Place: Kolkata, India

When You are Angry
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

Submitted by: Shourya
Place: Khargpur, India


Anger is A Killing Thing
Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.

Submitted by: Rachit
Place: JM Road, Pune

Angry at A Loved One
If you're angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug - which is all the more reason to do so. It's hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that's precisely what happens when we hug each other.

Submitted by: Namit
Place: Mumbai, India


Nothing More Galling
There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.

Submitted by: Pratyush
Place: Kolkata, India

Anger is The Feeling That
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

Submitted by: Anika
Place: Veerangana Nagar, Kanpur Road


ANGER is An Acid
ANGER is an acid that does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored, that to anything on which it is poured.

Submitted by: Aarju
Place: Kalinga Ashok, Bhubaneswar

Anger is the Only Evil
"Anger is the only evil which makes love invisible for a minute.
And love is the only suspicious thing which is visible even after anger.

Submitted by: Viraj
Place: Bulandshahr


Single Harsh Word Spoken
A Single Harsh Word Spoken
At The Time Of Anger Is So Poisonous
That It Makes Us To forget The
100 Lovable Conversations Within Seconds.
Never get angry,be Happy always!!!
Yeah,like this!

Submitted by: Tejas
Place: Kanpur

ANGER Comes Alone
ANGER Comes Alone
Bt TAKES AWAY all the GOOD
Qualities FROM Us.

PATIENCE Too Comes Alone,
Bt
BRINGS All the GOOD Qualities To Us.

So Be with It....

Submitted by: Simar
Place: Patna City, Bihar


Quote on Anger
Beautiful quote on anger:
"If u r right then there is no need to get angry" and "if u r wrong then u dont have any right to be angry"

Submitted by: Shainon
Place: Mahape, Mumbai

Angry is Like Cancer
Angry is like Cancer which eats up the completely from innerside and known when condition is severe.

Submitted by: Haashir
Place: Kanpur


An Angry Man Opens His Mouth
An angry man opens his mouth and shuts his eyes.

Submitted by: Anveesha
Place: Mumbai, India

Few Minutes of Anger
Few minutes of Anger can ruin few days or years of happiness

Submitted by: Ansh
Place: Lahore, Pakistan


We Lose Everything
With anger we lose everything its takes u 2 seconds to draw a tender smile on your face and its takes u years to forget the pain causes from anger

Submitted by: Atulya
Place: Patna City, Bihar

We Lose Everything
With anger we lose everything its takes u 2 seconds to draw a tender smile on your face and its takes u years to forget the pain causes from anger

Submitted by: Atulya
Place: Patna City, Bihar


Hot Iron Can be Mold
'When Iron gets Hot you can mold it in any shape,

Never loose your temper or else,

Unless people will mold you the way they want..'

Submitted by: Prince
Place: Gaziabad

Anger and Smile
Anger Makes The Tongue
Faster Than The Mind

Smile Makes Everything Work Faster
Except The Tongue

Submitted by: Krishu
Place: Lahore, Pakistan


Dont Play with Tears

Tear is made of 1% water and 99% feeling...
so plz dont play with it...

Submitted by: sabin pudasaini
Place: Kathmandu

It is impossible for you to be angry
It is impossible for you to be angry and laugh at the same time.
Anger and laughter are mutually exclusive and you have the power to choose either.

Submitted by: Meena
Place: Mumbai


Do something that makes a difference
Do something that makes a difference -
because, by God, there's a lot to make you angry.

Submitted by: Prateek.V
Place: Chennai

Speak when you are angry
Speak when you are angry and
you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

Submitted by: Vikas Kumar
Place: Kanpur, 9876549800


Anger is a killing thing
Anger is a killing thing:
it kills the man who angers,
for each rage leaves him less than he had been before
- it takes something from him.

Submitted by: Meena
Place: Mumbai

You may not want to hug
If you're angry at a loved one, hug that person.
And mean it. You may not want to hug - which is all the more reason to do so.
It's hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you,
and that's precisely what happens when we hug each other.

Submitted by: Meena
Place: Mumbai


There is nothing more galling to angry
There is nothing more galling to angry people than
the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.

Submitted by: Samay
Place: Dombivali, Mumbai

Anger is the feeling
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

Submitted by: Meena
Place: Mumbai


ANGER is an acid
ANGER is an acid that does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored,
that to anything on which it is poured.

Submitted by: Rajan Desai
Place: Nagpur, MH

Anger is the only evil
"Anger is the only evil which makes love invisible for a minute.
And love is the only suspicious thing which is visible even after anger.

Submitted by: Swati Khare
Place: Patna, Bihar


A Single Harsh Word Spoken
A Single Harsh Word Spoken
At The Time Of Anger Is So Poisonous
That It Makes Us To forget The
100 Lovable Conversations Within Seconds.
Never get angry,be Happy always!!!
Yeah,like this!

Submitted by: Meena
Place: Mumbai

ANGER Comes Alone
ANGER Comes Alone
Bt TAKES AWAY all the GOOD
Qualities FROM Us.

PATIENCE Too Comes Alone,
Bt
BRINGS All the GOOD Qualities To Us.

So Be with It....

Submitted by: Meena
Place: Mumbai


Beautiful quote on anger
Beautiful quote on anger:
"If u r right then there is no need to get angry" and
"if u r wrong then u dont have any right to be angry"

Submitted by: Ratan-9873627362
Place: New Delhi

Angry is like cancer
angry is like cancer which eats up the completely from innerside
and known when condition is severe.

Submitted by: Ratan-9873627362
Place: New Delhi

SMS Jokes

New SMS Jokes SMS and messages. Latest collection of SMS Jokes SMS, SMS Jokes messages, SMS Jokes wishes, SMS Jokes text greetings, happy SMS Jokes messages, Hindi and English SMS Jokes sms messages. Send SMS Jokes sms messages to your friends and family.
Ruling Party Zindabad

A poor man catches a fish, His wife cant cook due to No gas, No spices, No oil, Man put the fish back in river.
Fish comes up and shouts, RULING PARTY ZINDABAD....!!!

========================

2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls
2 Guys Were Following 2 Girls
Both Girls Took Rakhi & Tied To Their Hands.

1st Guy To Second Guy- What Will We Do Now?
2nd Guy-U Marry My Sis, I Will Marry Ur Sis

========================


Pani Me 1 Sikka Daala

Mene Pani Me 1 Sikka Daala Or Bhagwan Se 1 Pyara sa Dost Manga,
Muje Aap Mil Gaye.
Aasman se Awaz Ayi: 1 Rupaye Me Aisa Hi Milta Hai.

========================

Teacher Aur Pappu !!
Teacher: If u tell me where is God,
I`ll reward u wid 100 rupees.
Pappu: And if u tell me where God is not there,
I`ll reward u wid 200 rupees

========================


Premi to Premika !!
Premi to premika-
"Darling mujhe tumhari aankhon me saari duniya dikhai deti hai.."
Peeche se ek budhha bola-
"Hamari gaiyya nahi mil rahi.. Dikhe to batai.." ;-)

========================

What is a fine?
Banta: What is a fine?
Santa: Fine is a tax for doing wrong.
Banta: And what is tax?
Santa: A tax is a fine for doing right.

========================


I am old enough to drive
Son: Dad give me the car keys please.
I am old enough to drive.
Father: Yes,
but the car is not old enough to be given.

========================

While creating wives...!
While creating wives, God promised men that good &
ideal wives will be found in all corners of the world
and then he made the earth round!

========================



What is the fastest thing in world?

Oxford:Light
Harvard:Thought
Texas:Blink of an eye
Santa:It’s loose motions,
because last night I was lying in my bed
& before I could blink,think or turn on the lights,
it was over!

========================

I wish I was your book so that...
WIFE:I wish i was ur book so that
i could be in front of ur eyes constantly.

HUSBAND: I wish u were a calendar
which i could replace every year!!!

========================


Adam to his Eve...!
adam: Hi darling!
Eve: Bolo.
Adam: Do you love me?
Eve: No, never.
Adam: Why?
Eve: abbe ! mere paas option kahan hai???
( There is no other option!!!)

========================

Not worked for a day from the last five years
Child1: My father has not worked for a day from the last five years.
Child2: Why?
Child1: Because he is a night watchman.

========================


Kahan Se Bol Rahe Ho?
Santa: Kahan se bol rahe ho?
Banta: Mobile se.
Santa: Main puchh raha hun konsi jaga se bol rahe ho.
Banta: Muhn se bol raha hun.

========================

Tumhaare Income Ka Source Kya Hai...?
Banta to Santa:
Tumhaare income ka source kya hai
Santa:
Maine apne upper ka portion kisi ko rahane kiraye par diya hai
Banta:
kamaal hai wo pure din tumaher upper kaise rahata hai

========================


Two snakes meet each other..
Two snakes meet each other..
First snake:I hope I am not poisonous.
Second snake:Why?
First snake:Because I bit my lip!

========================

Santa goes for railway reservation
Santa goes for railway reservation
Santa: Mera AC chair car ka reservation kar dena
Railwayman: Seat nahi hai
Santa: Aap reservation kare seat ki chinta na kare,
ek kursi me ghar se le lunga.

========================


Santa Aur Preeto
Preeto: me bahar ja rahi hun aapke liyer coocker me
khichari set kar di hai, 2 2 siti laga kar kha lena.
Santa: Muhn se 2 siti laga kar coocker
kholta hai aur bolta hai lagata aaj usne mujhe oollu bana diya

========================

Aapke Judwa Bachche Hue Hain
NURSE- AAPKE JUDWA BACHCHE HUE HAIN.
SANTA- YE TO HONA HI THA.
PROGRAMME HI AISE HI DEKHTI THI-KBC2,
INDIAL IDOL2.DHOOM2.
NURSE-ACHCHHA HUA K DELHI6 NAHI DEKHI.

========================


Police vs Sharabi
GADHE k samne 1 PANI ki, 1 DARU ki BALTI rakhi.

GADHA PANI P gaya.
POLICE ne SHARABI se puchha:tune isse kya seekha?

SHARABI: jo DARU nahi pita Wo GADHA hai

========================

American Ne India Ka Masaledaar Dinner Lekr Bole...
American ne India ka masaledaar dinner liya,
Agli subah toilet se nikalte hi bola,
Ab samjha Indians Q paani se dhote Hai,
Tissue paper to aag pakad lega....

========================


Mai Tumhare Liye Sab Chhod Dunga
Boy:Mai tumhare liye sab chhod dunga
Girl:Maa,Papa? Boy:Haan
Girl:Apne Dost?
Boy:Haan
Girl: daru?
Boy: Didi ghar jao,
Aapke papa parishan ho rahe honge.;-)

========================

Power House Company Ki Job Hai
Power house company ki job hai
salary Rs 45,000 /-
karni hai to reply karein.?
jayada mehant ka kam nahi
Bus

bijali ke Nange taro par gila kapda marna he..

========================


During School checking !!
1 officer School checking k time Dekhta hai ki 1 Teachr
ladki ko kiSS kar raha hai.
Officer:What iS thiS?
Teac:"Maar Se nahi pyar Se Samjha raha hu.

========================

Full form of wife
Do U know full form of wife =
" Worries in life Forever"

========================


Tumhe Mere Rishtedaar Pasand Nahi !
Biwi, husband se- Tumhe mere rishtedaar pasand nahi!
Husband: Kya baat kar rahe ho!
Mujhe apni saas se achhi tumhaari saas lagti hai!

========================

Mourn of a Professor
Mourn of a professor:
I don mind wen studnts luk
at their watch during lectures.
Bt I get angry wen they remove
their watch & shake it to c if its working..

========================


Machhar Apne Pote Se
Machhar apne pote se-
beta hmare jmane me khoon choosna itna aasan nhi hota tha.
Pota-Q
Dada-
Kyonki us jmane me ldkiya pure kapde jo pahankar soti thi.

========================

Santa Ki Maa Ki Tabiyat Kharab Thi
Santa ki Maa Ki tabiyat kharab thi,
Hospital gaye to Doctor ne kaha ki "Test" Hongi.
Santa: Inki umar zyada hai test nahi One-Day ya T-20 karwa lo

========================


Did you ever visited Egypt
CHILD :DAD DID YOU EVER VISITED EGYPT
DAD: NO
CHILD: THEN FROM WHERE DID YOU BRING "MUUUMMMI"

========================

Chemistry Joke
Chemical joke
All electrons were in a party protons attacked them.
A Hero saves them.
Electrons asked them who are you?
Hero said


My name is
Bond
COVALENT BOND

========================


Girlfriend vs Boyfriend
Girl-  Ye ratein Ye hawaein Ye chandni
Ye ghataye Ye nadiya Ye kinare
Boyfnd- Abe Tu pyar kr rahi he ya
mausam ki jankari de rahi Hai.

========================

Physics ka bhi Baap..
Physics ka bhi baap:..
Question:- Which liquid turns 2 solid on heating..???.....
Ans:- BESAN KE PAKODE.

========================


Drinking and Driving
Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde.

Banta: Y?

Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau.

========================

Ladki Apni Maa Se...
Ladki_ maa...
ye padosi ka ladka mujhe baar baar kiss kar k
bhag jata hai maa muskura ke boli_bada shararti hai...
bilkul apne baap par gaya hai

========================


Banta Aur Jyoitishi !!
Jyoitishi: Tere upper shani ki dash hai 1100/ do,
dasha hata dunga
Banta: Mere pass nahi hai
Jyotishi: To 101/ de do
Banta: Nahi hai
Jyotishi: 11/ de do
Banta: Abhi to nahi hai
Jyotishi: phir chinta mat karo
Rahu Ketu Shani tino milkar bhi tumhara kya bigaar lenge

========================

Santa Ki Gf Romantic Mood Mai...
Santa Ki Gf Romantic Mood mai
thi usne santa se kaha mere gahr koi nahi hai aa jaao
Santa-tu mere ghar aajamere ghar sab log hain.
Tera man lag jaayega.

========================


Why is a bachelor skinny and a married man fat?
Why is a bachelor skinny
and a married man fat?
-The Bachelor comes
home, takes one look at
what's in the refrigerator,
and goes to bed.
-The Married man
comes home,takes one
look at what's in the bed
and goes to refrigerator!

========================

Santa Aur Banta !!
Banta: chal bahar chalte hai, taazi hawa kha kar aate hai
Santa: Tu chal me Chammaj Plate lekar aaya

========================


Santa joins as Accountant
Santa joins as accountant
Wo Pen ke sath scissors bhi le jata hai

pucha kyon

Santa: Mujhe Cheque bhi to Katane hai

========================

Thinkin of my Coffin
In Jokes SMS
Cardiologist died n was buried in Heart Shape Coffin..
A Dr. standin nearby laughd,
wen askd y he laughd?
He said"Thinkin of my Coffin.
I'm a Gynaecologist.!!!:

========================


Boss to Employee
boss 2 employee tumne iss sal mehnat se kam kiya h
y lo 5000 rs ka cheque,
agar isi tarah kam karte rahoge to sign b kar dunga

========================

Lady to the Waitress
Lady: (to the waitress)
May I have a bag to carry leftovers to my dog?

========================


How did you write your exam?
Parent:How did you write your exam?

Son:they have given the questions which I don't know.

So I wrote answers which they don't know..!!

========================

Mere To Hips Bol Rahen Hai
Banta: Ek Uncle Chips ka pura packet kha leta hai
Khane ke baad sochata hai

Ad me to Bol rahe the ki lips bolenge lekin

Mere to Hips bol rahen hai


Mahila Cricket Player Ka Naam Batao
Banta: Tum Cricket dekhate ho
Santa: Han
Banta: Kisi Mahila Cricket Player ka naam batao
Santa: Simple, Mahila Jayewardane

========================

I opened a jewellers shop
Santa: Last year, I opened a jeweller`s shop.
Banta: And then what happened?
Santa: I was caught red-handed by the jeweller.

========================


Santa's Army Test !!


Pappu- 3+5?
Santa- 8
Pappu- 7+3?
Santa- 10
Pappu- 8+8?
Santa- Pata nahi sir
Mere pass sirf 10 hi ungli Hai.

========================

Andha Aadmi !!
Andha Aadmi-bhabhi ye lo laddu
Bhabhi naha rahi thi soch ki andha hai
bina kapdo ke bahar aa ke boli- ye kis liye,
Andha- Meri aankhe thik ho gai..

========================


Shaadi K Baad Pati K Phone Me Bibi Ka Naam
Shaadi k turant baad pati k phone me Bibi ka naam:
My Life
mahine baad: My Wife
saal baad: Home
10 saal baad: Hitler
15 saal baad: WRONG NUMBER

========================

Hinjaro ka Raja
Santa: Kal maine Hinjaro ke Raja ko dekha tha
Banta: Kahan, kya naam hai
Santa:Yuvraj Singh,
Sab usko angreji me bol rahe the, SIXER KING

========================


Dost Pathan Se...
Dost Pathan se:
APRIL FOOL manaya?
Pathan: Han
Dost:kis k saath?
Pathan:Bv k 7!
hum ne 3 bar talaq dia
jab wo rone laga to Hum bola
APRIL FOOL,
APRIL FOOL..!

========================

Pretto Ne Bola Tha...
Santa: Biscuit ka packet kharid kar do barabar- barabar tor raha tha

puchha kyon

Santa: Pretto ne bola tha 50- 50 Biscuit lane hai

========================


Changu Aur Mangu !!
changu- yaar mangu bahut der se neend nahi aa rahi hai.
mangu- koi baat nahi tu uska wait mat kar aur so ja.

========================

Santa Aur Jyotish
Santa: Mere panv me khujali aa rahi hai
Jyotishi: videsh yatra ka yog h
S: Hath me
J: Paise aane ka yog h
S: Pet me
J: Swadisht bhojan ka yog h
S: Mathe pe
J: Abe khujale doctor ke pass ja mere pass kyon aaya h

========================


Child donkey vs Mother donkey
child donkey: mummy mai kis ke saath khelu,
sabhi donkey kam me vyast hai.
Mother donkey: thodi der ruk beta uncle abhi
sms padh kar free ho jayenge

========================

Santa Ek Mobile Bechane Wale Se Larai Kar Raha Tha..
Santa ek mobile bechane wale se larai kar raha tha

Logon ne puchha kya huva

Santa: Mene mobile kharida to bola tha mobile me lock bhi h,
Ab ye tala, chhabi kuch nahi de raha

========================


America- Mobile Hamari Khoj Hai
America-Mobile Hamari Khoj Hai.
China-Sim Card Hamari Khoj Hai.
Japan-Sms Hamari Khoj Hai.
Koriya-Blootuth Hamari Khoj Hai.
INDIA-MISS CALL HAMARI KHOJ Hai..

========================

Meri Bakri Ne Anda Diya H
GOLU to MOLU-Meri bakri ne anda diya H
GOLU-Bakri kaise anda de sakti he
M-Abe gadhe Maine APNI murgi ka nam bakri rakha h

========================


1947 Ki Jang...!
Santa:Mere dada ne 1947 ki jang me
dushman ki taange kat di thi

Banta:Gardne Q nahi kati

Santa:Wo pehle se hi kati padi thi.

========================

Na Tere Aane ki khushi Na tere jane ka Gum
GF-Mai Kisi Or Se shadi kar rahi hu Muje Bhul Jao
BF-Na Tere Aane ki khushi Na tere jane ka Gum
Ja Behan Ja Aj Se Tera Kissa Bhi Khatm -

========================


Bhikari Ki Lotry
1bhikari ki lotry lagi to vo 1mandir banvata h

2nd bhikari:yar tu mandir Q bnva rha h?

1st Bhikhari:Qki iske samne me akela bhik manguga

========================

Santa Ek Laraki Se Takraya
Santa Bus me ja raha tha ek laraki se takragaya
Larki boli: Thappar khana hai
Santa: MEra to pet bhara hua hai,
Aap kisi aur se puchh le

========================


Ek Adami Santa Se Ek Kg Laddu Lene Aata Hai
Ek adami santa se 1 Kg laddu lene aata hai
Adami: Isme to chinti hai
Santa: Aap naaraj na ho,
aapko laddo pure 1 Kg dunga,
chinti jitana weight extra de dunga

========================

Jail Ko Hindi Me Hawalaat kyun Kehte Hain?
Circuit: ßhai Jail Ko Hindi Me Hawalaat kyun Kehte Hain,?


Bhai: Kyunki Jail Mein Khane


Ko Sirf Hawa Aur Laat Hi Milti Hai."

========================

Fruit khaya karo chhilke sahit..
Doctor: Kamjori hai fruit khaya karo chhilke sahit
After one hour
Santa: Mera pet dard ho raha hai
Doctor: kya khaya tha
Santa: Nariyal chhilka sahi

========================

Santa Aur Halwai...!
Santa: 1 Kg Pakora dena
Halwai ne jaise hi tel me garm karke nikala
Santa: Abe kanjoos, Pani me dho ke de raha hai,
kuch surf saboon to dal deta

========================


Aaj Ghar Bhai Anay Wala Hay
Bacha: Miss hamary ghar aaj bhai anay wala hay.

Miss: wo kasay?

Bacha:jab phichli bar ammi hospital main
admit theen tu behan aae thi
Ab abu admit hain…

========================

May I take your order, sir?

Waiter: "May I take your order, sir?"
Diner: "Yes...I was wondering: How do you prepare your chickens?"
Waiter: "Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."

========================


Want to Share Everything
I want to share everything with you ,
your sadness, your hapiness, Every single second of day.
Lets start with your Bank Account.

========================

Aqalmand Ke Liye Ishara Kafi Hota Hai...
santa fouj me bharti hua....
2 Din bad jung shru ho gaiii...
santa ki topi per goli lagi....
santa ne hathyaar phenk diye
aur chup kar bola ..
" Aqalmand ke liye ishara kafi hota hai...

========================


Doctor vs Pathan
Doctor: tumhari sehat bohat kharab hai,
cigrrete-noshi chor do.
.
.
Pathan: ye nahi ho sakta kyon k cigarrete to chor donga.
Magar noshi meri biwi hai.

========================

RISHTA WAHI...SOCH NAYEE..(STAR PLUS)
BOY: Tum Shadi K Bad Apne Liye Alag Ghar To Nahi Mangogi?

GIRL:Nahi me aisi Ladki nahi hu.
Tum Apni ma Ko Alag Ghar Dila Dena!
RISHTA WAHI, SOCH NAYEE
STAR PLUS:)

========================


Chinti Aur Hathi
Ek baar chinti hathi k upar beth kr ja rahe hoti hain..
Raste me kacha pool aa jata ha usko dekhkr chinti boli
"cross kr loge ya me utru?' :-)

========================

Premi Aur Premika
Premika: Aisa Khat koi Likh Sajna,
Meri Umar Beet Jaye Pdhne Me...

Premi: !(=0!> xE'?1!!:e'$ a?>#"e!%;>;>,e=$?#.P(p+>!$

Le Padh le.

========================


Life Main 14 Larkyan...What a life!
Jyotish:
Tumhari life men 14 larkyan ayen gi

Boy"
Oh yess... What a life!"

Jyotish:
Ziyada khush mat ho.

1 Biwi or 13 betyan hongi.

========================

Aadmi Kumbh ke Mele me...
Aadmi kumbh ke mele mai- he prabhu,
teri kripa se kumbh k mele mai bhai-bhai ko bichadte dekha hai,
kabhi pati-patni par b kripa barsao!

========================


Pathan Jokes!!!
1st Pathan: Yara ye jahaz itna bara hoti ha
isay paint kese krte hain?

2nd Pathan: Woi Pagala jab ye door ja k chota sa ho jati hai phir paint krte hain

========================

Santa Banta Jokes!!
Santa- bhai jaldi jao tumhare ghar mein pani ghus gaya hai.
.
.
.
Banta- Kyun jhuth bolta hai,
ghar mein pani kaise ghus sakta hai,
ghar ki chabi jo mere pass hai.

========================


Robert vs Micheal
Robert:- Boss isne kuch nahi kiya phir ise saza kyu di.
Micheal:- smart boy! Aajkal PREPAID ka jamana hai.
Pehle saza bhugto phir galti karo

========================

Konsa Prinda Sab Se Taiz Urta Ha..?
Ustad: Konsa Prinda Sab Se Taiz Urta Ha?
Boy: Hathi
UstaD: Nalaiq,Tera Bap Kia Krta Hy?
Boy: BSP KA Unit incharg he
Ustad: Shabash Hathi is the right answer.

========================


Pathan vs Pathan
Pathan: Yar Sooraj Raat Ko
Kyu Nhi Nikalta?

2 pathan: kia pata nikalta bi ho
andhera itna hota hai kahan dikhai day ga...

========================

Papa Aap Press Kyon Karte Hain...?
Beta-Papa aap press kyon karte hain.
Papa-Isase salvaten nikal jati hai.
Beta-Fir to achchha hai,
main Dadaji ke gaal ki salvaten bhi nikal dunga.

========================


Santa Follows Semester System...!
Santa ne apne 6 months k baby
ki birthday party rakhi,
kisine pucha: 6 month k baby ka B'Day kese.
Santa:Hum semester system ko follow karte hai

========================

Santa Aur Banta
santa Banta se: America main Hollywood hai.

India mai Bollywood hai.

England mai kya hai ?

Banta: England mai Collingwood hai.. :-)

========================


Teacher vs Pathan
Teacher to Pathan: 10 Fruits k Naam Batao?

Pathan:

5 Amrood
5 Aanar. :-)

========================

Santa Apni Jholi Mein Khana Dalne Laga...
Shaadi mein khana khula...

Santa ko plate nahi mili..

Santa apni jholi mein khana dalne laga..

Logon ne poocha Ye Kya..

Santa: Daagh To Chala Jaye Ga...

Ye Waqt Phir Nahi Aaye Ga...

========================


Kal T.V. per Bata Rahe They Ke...!
1st Pathan: Mere bache honge
To 1 ko Karachi
Aur 1 ko Lahore chor aonga....

2nd Pathan: Woh Kyu...?

1st Pathan: Kal T.V. per bata rahe they
bachon ke darmiyan waqfa zaruri hai...

========================

Wife V/S Husband...
Wife: Ye aap ki shirt per lipstick ka nishan kahan se aaya.. ?

Husband: Mai khud heran hon!
Maine tu uss wakt shirt utari hui thi..

========================



Hostel Student and His Friend..
Hostel student 2 his frnd:
"yaar dhoka ho gya".

Friend-"kya ho gya?".

studnt-"bhai kitab k paise mangvaaye the,
gharwalo ne kitabe bhej di'.

========================

Kabhi Apki Ankho me Ansu nhi Layenge...
ye nhi kahta ki apke liye chand tare tod layenge,
ye b nhi ki apke liye ye jahan chhor jayenge,
bus ek waada hai apse hamara,
kabhi apki ankho me ansu nhi layenge.
========================


Meri Shaadi Q Nahi ho Rahi..?
aadmi jyotish se: meri shaadi q nahi ho rahi..?

jyotish: ab qudrat ne teri qismat mein dukh nahi likhy to mein kiya karun...

========================

EK Ladke ne Ladki se Kaha....!
boy: mein tumhy bangla dilaonga car dilaonga
gold k dhiar laga dunga...

girl: acha ye batao shaam ko park aao gy...???

boy: haan agar dost ny bike de di tou....

========================


Santa Aur Uska Ghoda..!
Santa g ka ghora race main sbse peechay tha,
kisi ne poocha:
Santa apka ghora konsa hai?
Santa:O dekh jinnay sareyan nu
agay laya hoya ae.

========================

Teacher V/S Student
Teacher – Agar irada pakka kar k kuch kaam karo tou woh poora hota hai…!!!

Student – Rehne dain miss, agar aisa hota to aaj aap meri baahon me hoti..

========================


Kha Hi Jaanda te Changa C...!
santa: jadon meri navi navi shadi hoi
menu meri biwi ini sohni lagdi c k dil karda c kha hi jawan.
Friend: aur ab???

Santa: kha hi jaanda te changa c

========================

Chooha Aur Billii....
1 Billi Chohey ko Pakar Rahi Thi,
Choha Bhag Bhag Kar Jab Thak Gaya

To Barrey Style Se Khary ho Kar Bola:


"Billo Rani! Kaho to Abi Jaan De Don." :-)

========================


Netaji Aur Teacher..
Teacher- Netaji, apka beta fail ho gaya hai aur aap laddu khila rahe hai?
Netaji- 70 ladko ki class me 60 fail hai,
bahumat 2 mere bete ke saath hai.

========================

Andey ki Qeemat...!
Major Rohail: Hamara Beta Nalaik Hai.
Hamesha Test Main "Andaa" Lata hai.

Anti Misba: Tum Kya Jano "Andey" ki Qeemat.
Pata hai Aaj Kal 105 Rupee Darjan hain. :-)

========================


Tum Khush Naseeb Ho...
Ek Boy Ro Raha Tha:
2nd Boy: Oye kya hua?
1st Boy: Aaj mere Abbu ne Mujhe Juta Mara Hai.
2nd Boy: Tum Khush Naseeb Ho.
"Jutta" Sirf "Azeem" Logon ko he Mara Jata Hia.

========================

Major Rohail Aur Driver
Major Rohail: Jab tum itni tezi se garri chalatey ho To mujhe bohat darr lagta hai.

Driver: Major Sahab aap b meri tarha ankhen Band kar liya kro.

========================


Major Rohail Aur Anti Misba
Anti Misba: Tumari itni hansi kyu Nikal rhi hy?

Major Rohail: Tumara new dress dekh kar.

Anti Misba: Oh Acha! Is ka matlab tumne Abi new dress ka BILL nhi dekha.

========================

Major Rohail Aur Waiter..
Major Rohail: Ye main bardasht nhi kr sakta,
Tumare hotel me bohat saari Makheyan hai.

Waiter: Hukam karen sir! Aap kitni bardasht kr sakte hy?
Baki ko bahar nekal dun ga.

========================


Pathan Ullu kharedne gya par....!
Pathan: Mai Ullu kharedne gya par Nhe khareed ska.

Major Rohail: Kyu? Qeemat zeada tha ya Ullu pasand nhe aya?

Pathan: Ullu ne mre sath jane se inkar kr dya.

========================

AKALMAND SANTA..
Santa: Muje E-Mail bnana hy.
Santa
Santag
Santa123
Santaabc
Koe b nhe mil rha.

Major Rohail: Tum "AKALMAND SANTA" try kro 100% mil jye ga.

========================


Papa Mujhe Nokrani Se Pyar hy...!
Boy: Papa mjhe Nokrani se pyar hy
Mei us se shadi kronga.

Major Rohail: Nokarani ko rani banane ka na socho.

Boy: Kyu?

Major Rohail: Yehi galti mei ne b ke thi beta.

========================

SUCCESFUL Main Kitne C Aate hai...?
Anti Misba: Beta batao "SUCCESFUL" main kitne
"C" aate hai?

Boy: Anti aap Ehtiyatan 3 dafa "C" laga lo.

========================


Qabristan Pr Welcome ka Board....
Santa: Yar muje Major Rohail ne social work krne Pr bohat mara.
Batna: Social Work?
Santa: Han, me ne qabristan k gate pr Welcome ka board lagaya tha.

========================

Santa Aur Banta (Petrol Aur SMS..)
Santa: Yaar ab tu mujhe SMS kyu nhi krta?
Banta: Petrol mehnga ho gya hy.
Santa: Petrol & SMS?
Banta: Easy load karvane k lye ghar se 10 km
Dur bike pr jana prta hy.

========================


BE-IZZATIIII...!! Teacher V/S Student..
BE-IZZATIIII...!!!
Maths teacher: jab mai tumhare jitna bada tha,
mere maths mein 100 marks aate the.
Student: Sir, aapko koi acha teacher padhata hoga. :D

========================

SMS Bole to....SARDAR MANMOHAN SINGH...!!
Munna-apun ka desh kaun chalata hai?
Circuit-bhai simple hai...apna SMS.
Munna-kya fekta hai?Circuit-bhai sms bole to
....SARDAR MANMOHAN SINGH...

========================




Pati Aur Patni....
Patni- shadi se pahle aap roj gift dete they,
par ab nahi dete,kyu?
Pati: kabhi tumne machuware ko machli pakadne ke
baad usey dana dalte dekha hai kya?

========================

Chooha Aur Haathi....
2 choohay darakht pe bethy thy nechy se ek haathi guzra
ek chooha hathi py ja gira...!!!

dosra chooha bola,
daba k rakh saalay ko, mein bhi aata hoon..

========================


Boss V/S Employee..
Employee:
Boss aap shadi shuda mardon ko hi noukri q daitay hain????
Boss:
Q kay unhain pehlay hi say Gaalian khanay ki aadat hoti hai….

========================

HBFC KA Matlab...???
Teacher: Tumhare father kia karte hain?
Student: HBFC k malik hain.
Teacher: O Nice, acha ye HBFC ka matlab kia hai?
Student: Hafiz Burger & Fruit Chaat

========================


Most Deadliest Joke Ever...!!
1 Aurat ne ishara krke taiz a rhi bus ko roka.

Driver: Kaha jana hai?

Aurat: Jana to kahin nhi hai..

Bacha ro raha hai.

Zara bus ka horn poo-poo baja do..

========================

Bhia Ye Larki Kia Hoti Hai...?
aik admi dosre se: bhia ye larki kia hoti hai?


dosra:" pata nahi yar main to khud peshawar main rahta haon".

Submitted by: Hriyansh
Place: Kanpu


Herat Angez Magr Sach.....!!!
NewZealand me 1
Bacha peda hua hy
Pedaish k wkt
uska wght 80kg tha jo bhadta gya or 15 din bad 280kg ho gya
herat angez Magr sach hy
Q k


Bacha Hathi ka tha.

========================

Hmare Pakistan ki Halat Dekh Kar...
1 Ghar mein TWINS paida huwe to saas ne kaha:
mubarik ho! bhala bataao..
hmare pakistan k halat daikh kar
bache bhi dunia mein akele ane se darte hain.

========================


Bachi ko Jor se Roti Dekh Maa ne Poocha...?
Bachi ko jor-jor se roti dekhkar maa ne poocha- “kyo roti ho?”
Bachi- “Bhaiya ne meri gudiya tod di”
Maa- “Kaise? Kaise tod di?”
Bachi- “Maine gudiya uske sir par maari thi?”

========================

Ek Maa--Doosri Maa se Boli...!
Ek Maa boli- “Galiyo me khel-khelkar bache
kitne gande ho jaate hai”

Doosri Maa- “Haan, behanji Ab dekho na,
das bacho ke muh dhone pade, tab kahi
jaakar mai apne guddu ko pehchaan payi

========================


Seeta Aur Geeta....!
Seeta- “Behan, bartan saaf karne ke liye sabse
achi kaun-si cheej hai?”

Geeta- “Maine bartan saaf karne ke liye bahut-si
cheeje istmaal ki, par pati se acha kisi ko nahi paya”

========================

Rinku... kya kar rahe ho..?
Master- “Rinku, kya kar rahe ho? Padh rahe ho kya?”

Rinku- “Ji nahi Shrimaan, mai apki baat sun raha hu”

========================


Yamraj Ke Darbaar Me

Baniya, pandit sardar yemraj ke darbar me-
Yamaraj: tum teeno ke paap punya ek samaan. Kya mangte ho swarg ya narak?
Sardar : o jitthe daru, murga te cabrett dancer hove utthe bhej de.
Yamraj: ok , send him to narak.
Pandit: maharaj jahan pooja paath karwane wale log ho, daan punya karte ho !
Yamrah: ok send him to swarg.
Baniya: maharaj mannu swarg narag koni chahiye, mannu to beech raste me thodi jagah do, dukan daal longa dono taraf ke customer aate rahaenge.
Yamraj dung rah gaya, ye kaun see cheej yamlok me aa gayee!

========================

Bus Number 670

Mauji ram delhi me mauj lene gaya. Ek aadmi se poochha mauj lene wali jagah kaun si bus jayegi? Jawab mila : 670 last stop utar jana. Kaafi intezar kiya par 670 nahi aayi 570 aa gayi. Mauji ne socha shayad 570 hi jaati hogi wo chad gaya aur last stop pe utar gaya. Ek ghar ki batti jal rahi thi, knock kar ke poochha, dhani ram ka ghar kahan hai ? Jawa : pata nahi. Lady badi sundar thi. Bola 500/- me kam ho jayega kya. Kaam ho gaya. Tabhi door knock hua. Lady ne kaha mera husband aa gaya , tum screw driver and plier le ke telephone theek karne ka naatak karo. Door khola tau aadmi ne poocha kaun hai ye. Jawab telephone theek karne wala. Ok tea le kar ao. Tabhi telephone theek karne wale ko dekha tau usne uth kar jor dar thappad mara aur kaha," tujhe 670 batay tha tu 570 me chadh ke mere hi ghar aa gaya.

========================


Please keep quite

Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara Falls?"

========================

Girls r like a internet virus

Girls r like a internet virus.
She enter in ur life.
Edit ur mind.
Scan ur pocket.
Upload their problems.
And hang ur LIFE.

========================


Traveling in a ship

three boys will be traveling in a ship;
first boy: do you know my dad dived into ganga and came out from yamuna;
second boy: thats it! my dad dived into yamuna and came out from godavari;
and the third boy: hahaha! thats it ! my dad dived into tank and came out from tap....
.....hahahaha..........

========================

Gandhi Giri

Girl: Mom aaj 1 ladke ne mere gaal pe kiss kiya.
Mom: Tune usko chata mara ya nahi?
Girl: Mujhe achank Gandhiji yaad aa gaye or maine dusra gal aage kar diya

========================

Mr.Bean Made a Call to Hospital

Mr.Bean made a call to the Hospital to ask about his pregnant wife........
But the call went to a Cricket Stadium.......
He asked what is the Condition......??
He had an heart attack after he got the answer.....
7 are already out, 3 still to come and the first one was a DUCK!!!

========================

I Forget What I Say

Doctor I have a problem I forget what ever I say.
Doctor: when did the problem start?
Santa: What problem are you talking about?

========================


SECRECTS OF BISCUITS
Life Me Ek Baat Hamesha Yaad Rakhna.
Cream Biscuits Me Cream Hota Hai Laken
Tiger Biscurts Me Tiger Nahi Hota Hai.

========================

ELEPHANT AND CAT

Cat: How old are u?
Elephant: 5 years old
Cat: But u look so big
Elephant: I am a complan boy
Elephant: How old u are
Cat: 30 years old
Elephant:but u look very small
Cat:Ponds Age Miracle, Badalti Umar Mano Tham Si Jaye.

========================


World cup

Ponting, Apni wife se: Mujhe Chai to dena..
Biwi ne plate me chai daal ke diya.
ponting ghusse se bola: Cup mein daal ke do....
Biwi: CUP to tera Baap Dhoni le jayega isi me peene ki Aadat daal. :-)

========================

March Ending

Yamraj 14000 logo ko japan se narak le ja raha tha.
Raste me naradji mil gaye. naradji-itne sare ek sath?
Yamraj bole MARCH ending hai, target pura karna hai

========================


World Cup 2011

Afridi., apni biwi se: Mujhe chai to dena..
Biwi ne plate me chai daal ke di.
Afridi ghusse se bola: Cup mein daal ke do!
Biwi: CUP to tera Baap Dhoni le jayega isi me peene ki aadat daal.

========================

Aalu & Bhindi

1 aalu ne Bhindi k number pe I love u ka msg beja, Bhindi ne use phone kar k bura bhala kaha aur boli,, Shut up,,tum itne mote aur main Slim and Smart Aalu ko bahut dukh hua aur us ne phir itni sabziyan fasaayi ki Aaj aap dekh skte ho, Aalu-ghobi, Aalu- bengan, Aalu-Shimla mirch, Aalu-palak, Aalu-matar, Aur Bindhi us din se aaj tak akeli hai.!! MORAL: MAT KAR ITNA GURUR SURAT PAR AE HASEENA.

========================


Life, start to End

Dimaag- Vichaaro ki Factory_!
School- 5 Ghante ki Jail_!
College- Yuvao ka bagicha_!
Profesar- Aadhe Ghante ka Radio_!
Waqil- Paaglo ka Anubhavi_!
Mandir- Manpasand Chappalo ka Showroom_!
Talkies- Premiyo ki Paryogshala_!
Saas- Bahu ki C.I.D_!
Shadi- Berojgaar yuvao ki Barbaadi_!
Mangalsutra- Shaadi ka License_!
Jail- Bina kiraaye ka makaan_!
Doctar- Yamraj ka dushman_!
Kabristaan - duniya ka Last Station..!

========================

Dhoni to Sachin

DHONI to SACHIN: "God has sent me on earth to show people how to play cricket-" :-)
SACHIN Replied: "I never sent anybody"

========================


Husband to Wife

Husband- Raja Dashrath ki 3 Raniya thi
Wife- To?
Husband- To Me 2 shadiya or kar sakta hu
Wife- soch lo Dropadi k 5 pati the
Husband: just joking yaar.

========================

RAJ vs LALU

RAJ - "Ham sher k Bachhe hai, Ham kisi se Nahi Darte.
LALU - chalo thik hai, par ee batao ki Sher ghar pe aya tha, ya Tumhri Amma "Jungle" gai thi?



========================

Tera Yaar

Golu To Wife: Mera Yaar Aaya he Chai to Bana Do
Wife-Mai Nahi Bana Rahi
Golu -Bana De, Jab Tera Yaar Aayega to Mai bhi Bana Dunga

========================


A Nice Joke

Ek budhe kisan ne apne bete ko jail me khat likha- "beta me aalu ki fasal nahi bo sakta, Itna bada khet mujse nahi khudega
kash tu meri madad kr pata."
Bete ne wapas jawab diya- "papa aap khet mat khodna mene waha hathiyar chupa rakhe hai.

Agle din police force ne sara khet khod diya par hathiyar nahi mila..
Bete ne fir baap ko likha- papa yaha se me itni hi madad kr pauga, Aap ab aalu uga dijiye..

========================

First Vacation

Banta got his first job, came home and told his parents the good news. He told them, but I will not get any vacation until I get married. His father asked him, "How is that?" Banta explained that the benefit manual says, "Vacation time may not be taken until you have had your first anniversary."

========================


Best traffic rule for wear helmet...


Traffic Ad of the year :
Picture of Lord Ganesha with a saying :- "Care for yr head & wear helmet...
not everyone gets a replacement like me..."

========================



Tintumon Jokes

Tintumon was driving the car very speedly.
Dundumol asked: why are you driving so fast?
Tintu replied: our car's break has gone. We have to reach our home before we met with an accident!

========================


Heaven

3 log mar kar swarg pahuche...bhagwan gate pr khade the....
1st bola : mein pujari hoon..maine zindagibhar aapki bhakti ki, mujhe ander lelo... Bhagwan
2nd bola : mein doctor hoon, maine kai logon ki jaan bachai hain, mujhe swarg mein le lo.... bhagwan
3rd bola : Bhagwan, maine CA kiya hai...!!
Bhagwan : Bas kr pagle, rulayga kya...chal ander aaja..

========================

Munna bhai SMS

New Munna bhai SMS messages and jokes. Latest collection of Munna bhai SMS, Munna bhai messages, Munna bhai text greetings, happy Munna bhai messages, Hindi and English Munna bhai sms messages.

BHAGA to MURGA Aur BHAGI to MURGI....!!
Munna bhai: Circuit MURGA & MURGI me diffrence kaise samajhne ka?

Circuit. Simple hai bhai..
Ek patthar marne ka BHAGA to MURGA or BHAGI to MURGI...

==========================

Bapu Ne Bola Tha Ki Kabhi Jhoot Nay Bolneka...!
CURCUIT- bhai bapu(gandhiji) ne bola tha ki kabhi jhoot nahi bolneka,
aaj se apun bhi jhoot nahi bolega

MUNNA BHAI- hey curcuit wo sunita ka baap ayela hai tereko dhund reyla hai

CURCUIT- bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai kheti karneko

MUNNA BHAI- pan abhi to tu bola ki kabhi jhoot nahi bolega

CURCUIT-apun jhoot nahi bolega par tu to bol sakta hai na

==========================


Ladki ko Patane ke Liye Kya Karne Ka..?
Munna- Aey Circuit, ladki ko patane ke liye kya karne ka?

Circuit- Simple bhai, "Minto Fress" khane ka.

==========================

YE BARISH K WAKT BIJLI KYUN CHAMAKTI HAI..?
MUNNA BHAI: ABEY CIRCUT YE BARISH K WAKT BIJLI KYUN CHAMAKTI HAI?
CIRCUT: bahi bolay to upper wala torch maar kar
dekhta hoga kahin sookha to nahi reh gaya.

==========================


Apun Ka Desh Kaun Chalata Hai..?
Munna- apun ka desh kaun chalata hai?
Circuit- bhai simple hai...apna SMS.

Munna- kya fekta hai?
Circuit- bhai sms bole to ....

SARDAR MANMOHAN SINGH...

==========================

Ye Ramnavmi Kyo Manai Jaati Hai..?
Munnabhai-Ye Ramnavmi kyo manai jaati hai?
Circuit-Arey simple hai bhai.......
is din bhagwan RAM aathvi pass karke Navmi me gaye the.

==========================


Mamu...Tu Kitna Padela Hai ?
MUNNA BHAI: Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU: B.A.
MUNNA BHAI: Sala, doh akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?

==========================

After Finishing MBBS....Dr.Munna!
After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice.
He 1st checks the patient's eyes, tongue & ears with a Torch &
finally declares BOLE TO........TORCH THEEEEK HAI

==========================


Bolay To Meri Fees Buhat Zyada Ha...!
Munna Bhai> Abay Circuit,
Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa,
meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Sirkit > par Bhai aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna Bhai > Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada ha

==========================

Gandhiji Har Note Me Haste Kyu Rehte Hai..?
Munna : Yaar Circuit ,ye gandhiji Har note me haste kyu rehte hai?
Circuit:Simple hai bhai! Royenge to note gila ho jaye ga...


Gandhi ji Kapde Kyu Nahi Pehantay Thay...?
Munna Bhai: Aay circuit, baapu bole toh gandhi ji
kapde kyu nahi pehantay thay?

Circuit: Bhai bole toh bapu bhi us time ke Salmaan Khan thay!!!

==========================

EXam Song By Munna Bhai
EXam’s song by Munna bhai:

“Chanda Mama so Gaye,
Student sarey jage.
Dekho pakdo yaron,
Ghadi ke kaante bhaage.
Ek pariksha khatam,to duji
shuru ho gayi MAAMU.

==========================


Apun Kay Rubber k Gloves...!!!
Munna: Bolay to Apun ko tera
operation dobara karna paray ga.
Kyun k apun kay rubber k gloves
teray andar hi reh gaye hain.
Patient: Agar yeh baat hai to mujhay jaanay do.
Mien tumharay gloves ki payment kar doon ga.

==========================

Jail Ko Hindi Me Hawalaat kyun Kehte Hain.. ?
Circuit: ßhai Jail Ko Hindi Me Hawalaat kyun Kehte Hain ?

Bhai: Kyunki Jail Mein Khane

Ko Sirf Hawa Aur Laat Hi Milti Hai."


Amirican Rastrapati Sala Kaha Rehta Hai....?
munna bhai: amirican rastrapati sala kaha rehta hai....?
circut: dhobigath pe....
munna bhai: dhobigath bole to.....?
circut: bhai englih main usko washington kehte hai....

==========================

Ager Bhaga To Bakra Aur Agar Bhagi To Bakri...!
Munna bhai: apun ko kaisy pata chalay ga k ye bakra hai ya bakri?”
circuit:”simple bhai ,pathar mar kar dekho,
ager bhaga to bakra aur agar bhagi to bakri.

==========================


Bagla Ek Tang Utha k kae ko Sota He..?
Munna Bhai:- a Circuit, apun k mind me 1 laucha chal rela he,
ye Bagla 1 tang utha k kae ko sota he?
Circuit:- aray simple Bhai,
bolay to agar Bagla dosri tang b utha lega to gir jai ga...

==========================

Sentence Ka Future Tense...
Teacher to circuit: munna bhai ne raat ko khana khaya
is sentence ka future tense banao.....
circuit: munna bhai subah potty karega....

==========================


Likhne ka DEAR SISTER(Nurse) I LOVE YOU...!
Munna Bhai: Circuit apun ko 1Nurse se Pyar ho gayela hai,
luv Letter me kya Likhu
Circuit: Simple Bhai, Likhne ka DEAR SISTER I LOV U
"MUNNA BHAI"

==========================

Circuit... Bole Toh Yeh Ford Kya Hai?
MUNNA BHAI: Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bhai, gaadi hai.

MUNNA BHAI: Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT: Bole toh, simple hai bhai,
Ox mane Bail,Ford mane gaadi.
Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

==========================


Bhai… Bole To Apun 20th Floor Se Gir Gaya Tha...
Circuit: “Bhai… bole to bachpan mein apun 20th Floor se gir gaya tha.”
Munna Bhai:“Aisa kya? To fir bach gaya tha ya mar gaya tha?

Circuit: “Abhi jaane do na bhai itni purani baat…
Bole to ab apun ko jyada yaad nahin!!”
==========================

ha ha ha
MUNNA BHAI: circuit agar bina daant wala kutta kate to kya karne ka re?
CIRCUIT:simple he bhai, bina sui wala injection lene ka!!!
ha ha ha

==========================


Impact of Movies
Impact of Movies:

Teacher :- Who is Mahatma Gandhi?

Student:- He is the one who helped
Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend!

==========================

Munna Bhai
Munna Bhai:- a Circuit, apun k mind me 1 laucha chal rela he,
ye Bagla 1 tang utha k kae ko sota he?
Circuit:- aray simple Bhai,
bolay to agar Bagla dosri tang b utha lega to gir jai ga. . .

==========================


MUNNA BHAI visits Mysore palace
MUNNA BHAI visits Mysore palace.
CIRCUIT: bhai us kursi par mat baithna.
MUNNA: kaiku ?
CIRCUIT: wo tipu sultan ki he bhai.
MUNNA: tension kaiku leta he re maamu ?
aayega to uth jaunga re ,i shappath !!!

==========================

Munna bhai
Munna bhai:apun ko kaisy pata chalay ga k ye bakra hai ya bakri?”
circuit:”simple bhai ,pathar mar kar dekho,
ager bhaga to bakra
aur ager bhagi to bakri.
==========================


Write a note on Gandhi Jayanti
LECTURER: Write a note on Gandhi Jayanti.

CIRCUIT WRITES: Gandhi was a great man,
but maa kasam i dont know who is Jayanti.
Koi locha-lafda hoga buddhe ka!

==========================

Agar bina danto ka kutta kate to
Munna bhai: Agar bina danto ka kutta kate to kya karna chahiye...???
Circuit: simple bhai... Bina sui ka injection lene ka..!!!

==========================


After finishing MBBS
After finishing MBBS… Dr Munna Bhai starts his practice.

He checked his FIRST patient’s eyes,
tongue & ears by TORCH & finally what did he say?

“Battery is OK”

==========================

BARISH K WAKT BIJLI KYUN CHAMAKTI HAI?
MUNNA BHAI: ABEY CIRCUT YE BARISH K WAKT BIJLI KYUN CHAMAKTI HAI?
CIRCUT: bahi bolay to upper wala torch maar kar dekhta hoga kahin sookha to nahi reh gaya

==========================


SMS
Munna-apun ka desh kaun chalata hai? Circuit-bhai simple hai...apna SMS. Munna-kya fekta hai?Circuit-bhai sms bole to ....SARDAR MANMOHAN SINGH...

==========================

Gandhi ji kapde kyu nahi pehantay thay?
Munna Bhai: Aay circuit, baapu bole toh gandhi ji kapde kyu nahi pehantay thay?

Circuit: Bhai bole toh bapu bhi us time ke Salmaan Khan thay!!!

==========================


Gandhiji Har note me haste kuy rehte hai?
Munna : Yaar Circuit ,ye gandhiji Har note me haste kuy rehte hai?
Circuit: Simple hai bhai! Royenge to note gila ho jaye ga......

==========================

Santa Banta SMS

Some tourists in the Punjab Museum
Some tourists in the Punjab Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones.
One of them asked the guard, Santa Singh 'Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?'
Santa replied, 'They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.'
'That's an awfully exact number,' says the tourist. 'How do you know their age so precisely?'
Santa answered, 'Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when
I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.'

=====================================

Santa Singh and wife came upon a wishing well
Santa Singh and wife came upon a wishing well.
Santa Singh leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish, too.
But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
Santa Singh was stunned for awhile but then smiled and said, 'It really works!'

=====================================


Santa singh kept staring at his computer screen
Santa singh kept staring at his computer screen for quite a while.
To break the long pause another guy comes to him and asks,
'Why are you simply staring at it...
why don't you do start working?' santa singh replies,
'Take a look at the screen...'.
The other guy looks and there displayed is the message
'Press any key to continue'. The man asked 'So what?'
santa singh replies, 'Look, this damn keyboard doesn't have the '
Any' key!...How do I continue now...'

=====================================

Santa Singh had been standing in the middle of his field
Santa Singh had been standing in the middle of his field (farm) for a long time.
While passing by Santa Singh asked him what he was doing.
Banta replied, 'I heard those who are outstanding in their field are awarded
the Nobel prize. So I waiting for mine!

=====================================


Santa Singh hurries into the emergency room
Santa Singh hurries into the emergency room
late one night with the tip of his index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked him.
'well, I was trying to commit suicide,' Santa replied. '
What?' sputtered the doctor.
'You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?'
'No! No! No! I put the gun to my ear, and
I thought: This is going to make a loud noise.
So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.'

=====================================

Santa & banta were hanging on tree
Santa & banta were hanging on tree, suddenly santa fell.
banta asked: ku be thak gaya?
santa answered: nahin pak gaya

=====================================


Banta saw a man pick pocketing a purse
Banta saw a man pick pocketing a purse.
Thief: There is Rs 150 in the purse.We can take 50_50.
Banta slowley asked him,"what abt the balance 50"

=====================================

How do you recognize Santa's son
Q: How do you recognize Santa's son,
Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board
=====================================


Santa banta were in conversation on the beach
Santa banta were in conversation on the beach :
Santa :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
banta : Tumhe nahe pata ? Santa : Nahe pata.
banta : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai .

=====================================

Banta complained to his friend about his wife
Banta complained to his friend about his wife '
My wife never agrees with anything I say.
And we have been married for six years .'
Preeto (mrs. Banta) intervened, ' Not six we have been married for seven years !
=====================================


A high rise bulding
'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding.
When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said,
'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh.
D'I am not your son.' I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.

=====================================
 
Santa, where's your homework?
Santa, where's your homework?" the teacher said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
"My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Santa, I've been a teacher for eighteen years.
Do you really expect me to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss, I swear," insisted the boy.
"I had to force him, but he ate it!"

=====================================


Santa goes to see Jurassic Park
santa goes to see Jurassic Park and
when the Dinosaurs start approaching,
he was hiding under his seat
when his friend asks him ;kyon santaji,
kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.;
santa replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai,
pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai,
usko kya pata

=====================================

Banta to Girlfriend
banta to Girlfriend= Darling main tum se shaadi nahi karsakta gharwale mana karrahe hai.
Girlfriend= Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai.
banta= 1 biwi aur 3 bacche…
=====================================


santa banta looking at Egyptian mummy.
Santa banta looking at Egyptian mummy.
santa:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case.
banta: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!

=====================================

Aaj Tho Chicken Bahuth Tasty Hai
Santa Ne Biwi Sey Poocha Aaj Tho Chicken Bahuth Tasty Hai.. K
Uch Khas Masala Lagaya Kya?
Biwi: Kuch Nahi Thodi Sa Jal Gaya Tha...
Isliye Burnol Cream Lagaya...

=====================================


It was Santa's weding aniversary.
It was Santa's weding aniversary.
Preeto: Shall v hav Tandoori chicken to celebrate?
Santa:y punish da poor chicken for da mistake v hav made

=====================================

Santa in mysore palace
Santa in mysore palace,
Tourist guide sir PLz don sit there,
It's Tippu sultan's chair.
santa - oye don't worry yaar I will get up when he comes


=====================================


Santa was filling up an application
Santa was filling up an application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what was to be filled in the column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!

=====================================

Your daughter has died! Depressed
Santa! Your daughter has died! Depressed,
he jumps from the 100th floor At the 50th floor,
he remembers he doesn't have a daughter!
At the 25th flr: He's unmarried! At the 10th: He's Banta not Santa.

=====================================


When I die, I wana die like my grandpa
Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep?
Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..

=====================================

Santa at an Art Gallery
Santa at an Art Gallery:
I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call Modern art?
art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!

=====================================

Santa was writing something very slowly
Santa was writing something very slowly.
Banta asked: "Why are you writing so slowly?"
Santa: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast

=====================================

Banta Singh in court
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area.
The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They should not put up such misleading notices,"said
Banta Singh." It said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

=====================================


Sir hun meri salary wada diyo
Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi

=====================================

Aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain
Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain,
us hisab se rate lagega? Santa: 2-3 gaa kar prg shuru kar dena,
baad mein sharabi baraat ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai

=====================================


What's the difference between
Banta: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
Santa: The taste.

=====================================

Banta was driving
Banta was driving down the highway past a sign that said,
"Clean Toilets 8 Kms." By the time he drove eight kms he had cleaned 14 toilets

=====================================



What type of glasses they have made
Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made.
The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top,
how will the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

=====================================

Santa took an answering machine home
Santa took an answering machine home and
fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it because
he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
( "he picks up the receiver and then says he is not at home" )

=====================================


it's my HELLO TUNE!
Santa: I tried ur number so many times,
it always said 'Switched Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!

=====================================

Jab main paida hua tha to military walon
Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein chalayeen thi.
Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?

=====================================


Santa meets his old friend.
Santa meets his old friend.
Santa: A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B.
Friend: Oye, iska matlab? Santa: Kuch nahin yaar, I mean long time no C.

=====================================

Sitting on The Top of the Mountain
Santa : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying....
When Banta asked what he was doing....
He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
=====================================


Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm
Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chicks to begin with.
A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred chicks because all of the first lot had died.
Another month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chicks,
for the second lot had also died.
'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa.
'I think I'm planting them too deep.'
=====================================

How did santa Kill a Lion?
How did santa Kill a Lion?
santa thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion:
I'll drink poison n let the lion eat me. Hari Om!

=====================================


Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop
Santa & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Santa says...
Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
Santa says hot coffee Rs.5 and cold coffee Rs.10.

=====================================

Santa was standing below a tube light
Santa was standing below a tube light with mouth wide open.........WHY?
Because his doctor advised him "Today's dinner should be light".

=====================================


A street dog was chasing Santa
A street dog was chasing Santa
and he was laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Santa: I have an Airtel phone, but still Hutch network is following me.

=====================================

Bata k meri tokri me kya hai
Santa: to bata k meri tokri me kya hai,
to sab ande tere,or ye bata ke kitney hain to 8 ke 8 tery,
aur agar ye bata dey kis ke hain to murgi bi teri.
Banta: Hint dey yar

=====================================


I have been promoted
Santa gets ready, wears his tie and coat; goes out,
climbs a tree and sits on the branch regularly.
Banta asks why he does this.
Santa: "I've been promoted as branch manager."

=====================================

Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa:Kyunk iis Cement mein jaan hai.

=====================================


Why U prefer prepaid connection than postpaid?
Man askd Santa:why U prefer prepaid connection than postpaid?
Santa: prepaid me bahut fayda hai,call k bad bill badneke bajay kuM Hota hai

=====================================

Ticket dikhao?
TT: ticket dikhao?
SANTA: lo dekho.
TT: ye to purani hai.
SANTA: to train kaun c nayi hai?.

=====================================


Santa got himself a puzzle game
Santa got himself a puzzle game.
It took him 10 hard months to finish it. H
e was so proud of himself because at the side of the box it was written: ?2-3 yrs?

=====================================

Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal
Santa : 'Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?'
Banta : 'Yes, I have' Santa : 'Well, my father dug it.'
Banta : 'That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead sea?'
Santa : 'Yes, I have.'
Banta : 'Well, my father killed it.'

=====================================


Heights of Friendship
Heights of Friendship:
Santa commiting suicide,
someone asked the reason. He said:
My wife ran with my friend and I can't live without my friend.

=====================================

What does Santa do after taking a xerox?
What does Santa do after taking a xerox?
He compares it with the original for any spelling mistakes

=====================================


Santa proposed to a girl...
Santa proposed to a girl......
Girl said: 'I'm 1 yr elder to you'.
Santa said: 'Oye, no problem Soniye, I'll marry you next year

=====================================

Why are all these people running?
Santa - "why are all these people running?"
Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup."
Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"

=====================================


The film only for above 18..
Santa took 18 more people with him to watch a film.
On being questioned about the big group,
they replied that the film was only for above 18...

=====================================

Santa was focusing on the dead body's face
Photographer Santa was focusing on the dead body's face in a funeral function.
Suddenly all the relatives started beating him - why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

=====================================


Faansi se pehle,
Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya hai?
Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche kar k faansi de do!

=====================================

A Banta went to museum
A Banta went to museum, there he broke a statue.
OFFICER: you have broken a 5000 yrs old statue !!
Banta: ThankGod ! Mujhe laga naya tha.

=====================================


What is a adult joke?
Banta was asked, what is a adult joke?
Reply came any joke which is eighteen years old.
=====================================

Banta sent a SMS
Banta sent a SMS to his pregnant wife.
Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing.
The report said, "DELIVERED".

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Santa ka Bachcha

Santa K 9 Beto Me 1Alag Dikta Tha.
Santa Ne Marte Waqt Biwi Se Pucha Ab To Sach Bata Ye Alag Dikhne Wala Kiska Hai
Biwi-Ye 1Hi To Apka Hai

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Pappu Da result...
Santa: tere result da ki banya?

Pappu: madam kendi si class vich 1 saal hor lagana hai.

Santa: phir theek hai,
saal chahe 2,3 hor lag jayn, bas fail na hona.

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Meri Biwi Ini Sohni Lagdi c...
santa: jadon meri navi navi shadi hoi menu meri biwi
ini sohni lagdi c k dil karda c kha hi jawan.
Friend: aur ab???

Santa: kha hi jaanda te changa c

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Santa Aur Banta
Santa: oye banta machli khayega?
Banta:nahi yaar usme kaante hote hain.
Santa: oye chadd yaar, chappal pahen k kha lena.

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Santa and his Lost Dog..
santa:-yaar mera kutta kho gaya hai. Main kya karu?
Banta:abe tu paper me kyo nahi de deta ki tera kutta kho gaya.
Santa: chup kar sale mera kutta pada likha nahi hai.

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Ultimate Logic of Santa..!!!
Ultimate logic of Santa
Banta: What is the opposite of 'Achaar'?
Santa: Onion.
Banta: How?
Achaar = Pickle = Pee+kal.
So opposite of 'Pee+kal' is 'Pee+aaj' = Onion.

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Santa with Break Dance...
Santa- Cycle ka break hath me lekar nach kar raha tha.
Banta- ye kya kar rahe ho?
Santa - Oye! dikhta nahi, break dance kar raha hoon.

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Santa Suffering from Loose Motion
Santa: Dr. saab, I'm suffering from loose motion.
Doc: Kinni ku patli aundi hai?
Santa: Dr. saab,samaj lao ke tusi us naal Grare kar sakde ho!

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America Di Raajdhaani Punjab...!
santa praying bhagwaan
plz punjab nu america di raajdhaani bna deo ...
banta- kyu yaar ,
santa- yaar main paper vich likh aaya

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Santa Felt Down from a Building...
SANTA BUIDLING TO THALLE DIG PAYA PAR BACH GAYA,
EK JANANI NE KEHA PUT WAHEGURU TERE MAGAR C.

SANTA BOLIYA:- MAIN V SOCH REHA C KE MAINU DHAKKA KINE DITA

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Santa and Banta in the Same Class...
brothers santa n banta were in d same class.
teacher: y u wrote ur father`s name diff?
boys: madam tusi fir kehna c nakal maari...

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Sadi Jaan te Bani Hai...!
Banta:- Sadi Jaan te bani hai, tera haasa ho gya.
Santa:- Sada Vyah v nahi hoya te Tere Kaka ho gya.

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Santa fir Flush me Naha Aya...
Santa:- Bhaaji, tusi banglabada vadhiya banaya hai,
par bathroom me bath tub bahut chota hai.
Banta:- Oye, tu fir se FLUSH me naha aya.

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Mere Viah Di Movie...!
Santa: Kal Raat Nu Film Vich Ik Chudail Kade
Mere Agge Kade Mere Piche Ghummi Ja Rai Si,
Banta: Kehri Film Si…?
Santa: Mere Viah Di Movie.

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History teacher v/s Santa...
History teacher asked Santa:
Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Santa: Adidas

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Santa and Banta In Office
santa-tu office me to sher bana ghumta h..
ghar pe tujhe kya ho jata h..?

banta- hota to sher he hoon,
bas upar DURGA sawar ho jati hai...

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Santa v/s Doctor
Santa: Dr. saab mujhe chot lag gayi he
Dr: Bahut gehri chot hai, taanke lagenge, 1000 Rs lagenge
Santa: Bhutni dea, taanke laune ne, kadayi ni karni

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Santa Nu Disco Dance Wich 1st Prize Milea...
santa:Mainu disco dance wich 1st prize milea..
Banta: Yaar tenu te dance nahi c Aanda..??
Santa: Yaar mainu Stage te Mirgi da daura pai gaya c...

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Santa...Drinking and Driving
Santa: Drinking n driving dono nalo naal nai ho sakde.

Banta: Y?

Santa: Je speed breaker aa gaya taa peg dul jau.

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Santa v/s Bebe...!
Santa- Bebe m chandigadh ch computer chalana sikh lavan.
Bebe- Putter sikh tan le per chandigadh ch bheed
bahut hundi h kite bhida na dein..

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Santa kenda ke zindgi 4 dina di hey.
Santa: yar kende ne zindgi 4 dina di ey.

Banta: Aho! te fer test match kyn 5 dina da honda ey?

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Santa Aur Uska Ghora
Santa g ka ghora race main sbse peechay tha,
kisi ne poocha:

Santa apka ghora konsa hai?

Santa:O dekh jinnay sareyan nu
agay laya hoya ae.

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Santa's Consolation to his Wife Lover..
Santa's wife dies. He is calm,
but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, santa consoles him:
Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.

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Santa Inserting Dogs Tail into Pipe!!
Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.

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Santa Aur Uski Premika
Ek din Santa ne apni premika ko himmat jutakar keh dala
---– "I love you".

Premika(Gusse se) : Jara pyar se nahi keh sakte?

Santa : I love you Didi!!!!

Submitted by: Faraz
Place: Kalinga Ashok, Bhubaneswar

Film Director (Santa) v/s Actor
Film Director Santa: U have to jump to a swimming pool-from 100 ft.
Actor: But I don't know swimming sir.
Santa: Don't worry there is no water.

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Meri Behan Da Baapu Mer Gia...
Santa weeping. Friend asked ki hoya?

Santa: bapu mer gaya.

After 5 mints santa again crying.

Friend asked: hun ki hoya?

Santa said: meri behan da baapu v mer gia

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Postman and Banta

Postman: - I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U this Packet.
Banta:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....

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Banta Asking Question to Son

Banta- Beta Tu College me SabSe Mushkil kaam konSe Sikha?
BETA- 2 Mushkil kaam Papa! Daanto se BEER ki Bottle kholna, Aur Tez Aandhi me 1 Tili se Cigratte Jalana.

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Shadi Ke Joda Kaun Banata Hai

Santa :- yaar shadi ke jode kaun banata hai..?
Banta - aasman me bhagwan banata hai..
Santa - yaar galti ho gayi mai to tailor ko de aaya...!

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Happy B'day 2u Hanumanji.


Santa Went 2 a Temple On Hanuman Jayanti. Pujari Gave Him Aarti. Guess,
What Santa Did? Socho? Santa Diya bhuja kar bola.."Oye Happy B'day 2u Hanumanji.."

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CHAAND me PANI aur BARAF

Santa :- Angrejo ne CHAAND ke upar PANI aur BARAF ki khoj kar li hai..
Banta:-humney ab sirf DAARU aur namkeen leke jana hai...

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Santa's Tips

Santa: "To bataiye pani ke bina insan kaise marega ?
Banta: pani nahi hoga to insan tairega kaise', aur tairega nahi to doob jayega.

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Santa in Aeroplane

Santa Aeroplane Me Pilot Ka Headphone Cheen Raha Tha.
Pilot: yeh kya kar rahe ho? Santa: Saalo ticket humLe Aur gaane tum suno.

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BRAKE FAIL

Santa in Car with full Speed,
Baanta why are you driving in such a speed,
Santa there is no brake in car let us reach home before we meet accident